Damage Control
by ShadowWriter33
Summary: Team bonding fic for 'Collateral Damage' but takes place after 'Ripple Effect'. The team have to wait out a space anomaly while on an uninhabited planet and end up confronting some overdue issues.
1. Chapter 1

**Damage Control**

_By, ShadowWriter33_

Disclaimer: I do not own Stargate SG-1 or it's characters. However, an alternate version of myself in a reality far, far away, not only owns the show but is part of the team as well. Meanwhile in this reality everything is owned by MGM Global Holdings, Inc. etc.

No profit was made from this story. No infringement of copyright was intended.

Warning: Mild language. Can't think of anything else.

Spoilers: Anything between seasons 1 through 9.

Author's Note: I do the best I can editing but I'm sure there are mistakes so I apologize. Also I have no medical knowledge so forgive any mistakes there as well.

Summery: Team bonding fic for 'Collateral Damage' but takes place after 'Ripple Effect'. The team have to wait out a space anomaly while on an uninhabited planet and end up confronting some overdue issues.

Lieutenant Colonel Cameron Mitchell stared unseeingly into the flames of the small campfire. Through the haze in his mind he couldn't help but compare these flames to those flames of before. The ones that rose up from the desert floor on the narrow dusty road where a convoy of innocent refugees should never have been.

Sometimes Cam couldn't decide what would be worse, if he had seen their faces and knew how many deaths he had been responsible for, or the endless number of faceless ghosts that haunted him continuously. Some days Mitchell would have given anything just to know once and for all who and how many had been in that convoy. Yet other days when the colonel saw children playing in the park and heard the sound of their laughter echoing on the wind he was thankful that he didn't know.

Cam knew he would never be free of guilt from the horror of what happened; the events of that day would haunt him for the rest of his life. Time would never erase what had happened nor ease his conscience; he knew there would always be nights when he would awake in a cold sweat gasping for breath, heart trying to hammer out of his chest, his throat trying to choke back the bile that had been churned up from a vivid nightmare filled with those nameless faces.

But time and keeping busy had at least made those nights fewer and further between. Keeping his mind busy and staying in motion had kept him on a functional level, helped him to keep from thinking about it too often.

As the years passed and Mitchell's involvement with the Stargate program grew, Cameron had been able to keep that memory where it belonged; compartmentalized in the back of his mind, where it only caught him off guard in the dead of night or when he thought too much.

Until now.

Now one of the very things that had helped keep his mind off the event was the very thing that had brought it all blaring back into the present in full techno-color detail. Reliving the memory had been every bit as bad as the real thing because thanks to that damn memory manipulator machine, everything you experienced was as real to the mind as though it were happening right then. Only it was worse because the second time around you knew what was going to happen; only you couldn't do a damn thing to stop it.

On top of that Mitchell still had a vague recollection of murdering Reya. Her cries as his hands bashed her to death with a statue, Dr. Amuro had said he shouldn't remember any of it, but it had been replayed one hundred too many times in Cam's head by that damn device for him to ever be able to forget it.

To make matters worse - if that were even possible – the rest of SG-1 probably thought he was some kind of murderer for real now.

"_Unless Colonel Mitchell has made a habit of killing innocent people… we're out of options." _

"_I may have what you need."_

Yeah that little conversation was sure to have raised some eyebrows and instilled some doubts.

"What do you think?"

It took Cam longer than it should have for his brain to realize that Jackson was speaking and that the question was directed at him. "Hello. Earth to Mitchell…"

"Huh?" The colonel finally looked up into three sets of worried eyes.

"Cam are you alright?" Carter asked.

"Yeah I'm good." The colonel shifted uncomfortably under the triple scrutiny. Trying to deflect the stares he asked, "Jackson did you really just say 'Earth to Mitchell'?"

"Um, yes." Daniel answered slowly unsure of what Cam was getting at, "Why?" "Well I was just wondering how that statement applies when you're not actually on Earth. I mean shouldn't it be something like: P4X-833 to… whoever you're addressing?" His attempt at humor fell somewhat flat as Jackson, Carter, and Teal'c continued to stare at him. "I'm just sayin'." Cam held his hands up in mock surrender.

"Cam are you sure you're alright?" Sam asked again.

"You mean other than being stuck on this uninhabited planet for the next forty three hours with nothing to do and nowhere to go with most of our supplies being at the bottom of a river somewhere while we wait on some space anomaly some hundreds of light years away to get over with so that we can safely dial back to Earth without having to worry about the Stargate accidentally sending us back in time to 1969 or dropping us off in some other reality with alternate evil twins of ourselves? I'm great."

"That's not what I mean Cam and you know it." Carter replied patiently.

"Well what do you mean Sam because I don't know what you're talking about." Cam lied, "Not everybody's a super genius like you, so we can't all keep up with your train of thought."

Teal'c, never one to beat around the bush stated it more eloquently, "I believe Colonel Carter is referring to your behavior since the events which took place on Galar."

Silence met the Jaffa's blunt statement; even after all his years living on Earth Teal'c couldn't understand the Tau'ri's constant tendency to 'dance around the truth' as O'Neill would put it.

"What exactly is that supposed to mean." Cam asked slowly, an edge creeping into his usually jovial voice.

"Look," Daniel interjected, trying to smooth things out, "I think what Teal'c is trying to say is that you haven't exactly been yourself since the…incident with the memory device. Which is perfectly understandable of course." He quickly added when the colonel's eyes hardened at the insinuation.

"Why don't you all just say what you really mean!" Mitchell snapped as he jumped to his feet giving all of them a glare that a Jaffa could be proud of, "You don't trust me any more cause you think that I'm some kind of murderer…"

"What!" Three shocked voices interrupted the tirade.

"Cam what are talking about?" Sam asked, "You were cleared of Reya's murder, we know that, hell _we're_ the ones that helped convince _you_ that you didn't do it. You proved that…"

"That I didn't kill Reya." Cam finished for her, "And how exactly did I _prove_ that Sam? Huh? Don't tell me that you don't remember that part!"

Realization slowly dawned on the rest of SG-1. None of them knew what memory Cam had had to relive. In the short time the team had been working together they'd all come to like the younger man quite well, but other than the colonel's crash in Antarctica and his assignment to the SGC, none of them really knew that much about him. Sam, Daniel, and Teal'c had worked together for nine years in and out of life and death situations all the time; there was very little that the three didn't know about each other.

Sometimes they forgot that about Mitchell. That he didn't know them nor they him as well as they thought.

Even so not one of them thought for a minute that the man was a murderer. Though in all honesty they'd been shocked when the man told Dr. Marell that he had the memory they needed. Whatever that memory was it had been obvious that it was hard for him. It had affected him even worse than the memory of Reya's murder by his own hands, which was saying something.

Human curiosity had made them more than a little curious about what that memory entailed, but not because they doubted Mitchell or didn't trust him.

However, Cam mistook their shocked silence as an affirmation of what his mixed-up mind already suspected and stormed off into the woods on the pretext of looking for more fire wood before the others could stop him.

The heavy silence was finally broken when Daniel spoke, "So let me get this straight. Mitchell _thinks_ that _we _think that _he's_ a murderer?"

"Why would he possibly give him that idea?" Carter asked, not really expecting an answer. However she got one anyway.

"I believe it is guilt Colonel Carter." Teal'c stated. "Colonel Mitchell felt guilty for Dr. Varrick's death even after we convinced him that he was not at fault…" "Why would he feel guilty for Reya's death after he knew he didn't do it?" Daniel interrupted.

"Because he is a warrior Daniel Jackson. He was present when Dr. Varrick was killed and was unable to render assistance. He feels responsible for her death. Then Colonel Mitchell was forced to relive another memory, in front of us, in which an innocent person was apparently killed by his hand."

"Teal'c is right." Sam said, "Cam blames himself for what happened to Reya as well as for whatever happened in that memory and he automatically assumed that we'd blame him too."

"That's crazy." Jackson replied.

"Think about it Daniel, add the memory device incident, his alternate self taking us prisoner, and his insecurities about leading SG-1, together with everything else that's happened and I think it actually makes since. From his point of view at least."

"His insecurities about leading SG-1? Since when has Mitchell been insecure about _that_?" Daniel asked incredulously, remembering the colonel's boundless enthusiasm for 'getting the band back together'.

"Colonel Mitchell is a confident and capable warrior Daniel Jackson, however, in light of SG-1's past successes under the leadership of Colonel O'Neill he doubts himself as an adequate replacement. He feels he must continually earn our trust and respect and I believe is afraid of doing something wrong and loosing it."

"And he told you all of this?" Jackson asked.

"He did not."

"Than how do you know all that Teal'c?" The archaeologist was confused.

"A warrior's intuition." Was the cryptic answer.

"It makes sense Daniel." Carter took pity on the usually quick-to-understand-man, "Cam acts like he doesn't have a care in the world and isn't afraid of anything. But that's not true; he's terrified of screwing up or letting one of his team get hurt. He feels like he's got to prove himself constantly and is always comparing his decisions to what O'Neill would do. And let's be honest they are some pretty big shoes to fill. It was the same way when Jonas joined the team." Sam inwardly cringed at her own analogy, even after all the time that had passed it was still hard to remember when Daniel wasn't part of the team, "He spent so much time trying to live up to your reputation and trying to do what he thought you would have done that it took a long time for him to realize he had his own qualities that we could respect him for. He could never replace you Daniel, but we never expected him to."

"Wow. I never realized…" Daniel quietly trailed off.

"Yeah." Carter agreed.

"Should we not attempt to locate Colonel Mitchell and rectify the situation." Teal'c broke the contemplative silence.

"I really doubt that he's going to reply to a radio hail the mood he was in when he left." Jackson pointed out.

"True but he has been gone a while. And it's getting dark." Sam said with a note of worry.

"I will look for him." Teal'c stated, as the big Jaffa rose gracefully to his feet. "Hold up Teal'c, I'll go with you." Daniel said standing.

"Guess I'll just sit here and wait." Carter muttered to herself as they disappeared into the surrounding forest. Someone had to remain at camp and guard what meager supplies they had left.

Sam wasn't sure what they were going to tell the General when they made it back to the SGC about how they'd lost their supplies, but the truth was simply out of the question. There was no way in the world – any world – that the members of the elite flagship team SG-1 was going to admit they had lost their supplies to the mischievous whims of some crazy hybrid space monkey gone wild.

The unusual monkey-like creature – that Mitchell had commented looked a little like that girl's alien pet in 'Lost In Space' – had come out of nowhere the day before and with a strength belying it's small stature, grabbed up their supply packs from where they were piled near the bank of the river and proceeded to pitch them into the racing water with an unnatural glee.

Yeah, there was no way that SG-1 would be admitting _that_ in this lifetime.

So Colonel Carter sat in silence at their small camp in the woods, keeping an eye out in case the creature came back or had any little cousins running around.

Idly she wondered if the others had found Cam yet.

SG1-SG1-SG1-SG1

Cam sat despondently on a downed log near the rivers edge, his head held in his hands. His BDU's were dripping wet from his impromptu dip in the water. He had ventured further away from the camp than he'd originally intended and ended back up by the river. Out of the corner of his eye he'd caught a glimpse of something bulky and black bobbing up and down near the bank. Upon closer investigation he realized that one of the supply packs that they'd lost yesterday due to that devious creature had floated downstream and caught it's strap on a piece of shrubbery. In his distracted state he hadn't noticed how unstable the bank was until he was underwater. Thankfully he managed to keep close to the shore and didn't get pulled into the racing current. The colonel managed to pull himself and the pack out of the river relatively easily, and it wasn't until he pulled himself up to sit on the log that he noticed the gash on his left leg that went nearly from his knee to his ankle. Thankfully it wasn't bleeding heavily but it stung like hell whenever he moved it let alone put weight on it.

The fall hadn't done any good for his head either. Cam had had the perpetual headache ever since they'd left Galar, a fact he had taken great pains to hide from Dr. Lam, General Landry, and his team. Of course the beating he took from the alternate Teal'c hadn't exactly helped.

Between the constant pounding behind his eyes, the guilt that hounded him from both Reya's murder and the deaths of the innocent refugee's; the nightmares and sleepless nights, Cam was beginning to find it hard to keep his focus.

He also hadn't slept since before they left for what was supposed to be a quick in and out mission for Sam and Daniel to check out some ruins that turned out to be worth zilch; he had feigned sleep the night before afraid he'd wake up yelling from a nightmare in front of the team.

No need to look more pathetic in front of them than he already did.

But with the lack of sleep before he'd left topped with no sleep the night before Cam knew he wouldn't be able to keep it up for another forty three hours until they could gate back to the SGC.

Why hadn't Sam realized the space anomaly was there _before_ they'd gated to the time forsaken uninhabited planet full of demonic monkeys with whacked up senses of humor?

It was starting to get dark and Cam knew he needed to head back to camp whether he wanted to or not. The colonel didn't relish the thought of facing the rest of SG-1 after their short confrontation earlier, nor did he look forward to describing his bedraggled appearance or admitting that he had fell into the river.

Mitchell also had no idea what kind of reactions to expect from them when he went back. Would they be ticked off at him for leaving before they could finish letting him have a piece of their mind? Would they want to share the camp with their suspected murderer team leader? Would they even want him to be part of the team at all when they finally got back to Earth or would they kick him off the team and let Carter go back to leading SG-1 like she had when O'Neill got promoted to General and put in charge of Stargate Command?

All of the questions, guilt, and worry were taking their toll on the weary man and he just couldn't find the strength needed to get up and make it back to camp and face the condemnation he feared he would see in the team's eyes.

So absorbed in the pounding headache from hell that raged in his skull, the colonel didn't hear the footsteps approaching.

SG1-SG1-SG1-SG1

Daniel and Teal'c had been looking for Cam and were starting to get worried before they finally saw Mitchell in the distance sitting dejectedly on a log with his head bowed buried in his hands.

As they neared the two realized that the colonel was dripping wet from head to toe and looked like the poster child for misery.

"What on Earth…I mean what on P4X-833," Daniel amended his question, remembering Cameron's earlier comment, "happened to you?"

"Jackson what the hell are you doing out here?" Mitchell asked quietly as he slowly lifted his head from his hands to look up at them as they circled around the log to stand in front of him.

"Looking for you." The archaeologist answered honestly, "It was getting dark and we were getting worried."

"Don't think I'm smart enough to find the camp back by myself?" Cam asked bitterly, his temper rising as his guilt and fatigue robbed him of control.

"What? No! Nothing like that…we…just…"

"Ya know Jackson for a man who speaks twenty seven different languages your doin' a hell of a job expressing yourself. So why don't you just cut the crap and say what you mean!"

Daniel was shocked silent by the usually amicable man's hostility. Before he could come up with a proper retort, however, he took a good look at the colonel's face. The bags under his eyes attested to little sleep and he looked more haggard than Daniel had ever seen him. And his eyes, Mitchell's eyes is what stopped Jackson cold. They held a haunted look that rocked Daniel to his core. Whatever retort he might have planned to say died on his lips.

"You are injured Colonel Mitchell." Teal'c's pronouncement broke Daniel out of his reverie.

"What happened to your leg?" Daniel asked worriedly as he knelt down to inspect the laceration. Cam tried to scoot away from the archaeologist's probing fingers claiming he was fine, but felt his shoulders ensnared in a vice-like grip as Teal'c held him still.

"Damn this is going to need stitches." Jackson announced grimly, nine years on SG-1 had made the once squeamish man far more comfortable and proficient with wounds than he cared to admit.

Deciding it was best to get back to camp before darkness settled in completely they began to hoist the now shivering man to his feet.

"Damn it!" The colonel cursed, trying unsuccessfully to shake out of Teal'c's firm grip, "I can walk by myself."

"I am aware of that Colonel Mitchell, as I am also aware that there is no shame in one warrior accepting help from another when one is injured." Teal'c stated as he pulled one of Mitchell's arms over his shoulder and began guiding them back to camp.

Daniel picked up the soppy supply bag and followed along side ready to offer his assistance if Teal'c needed help getting the colonel back.

The walk through the dense forest was quiet except for Cam's slightly labored breathing and occasional grunts of pain whenever he bumped his leg against a tree root or shrub.

Teal'c noticed Cam shivering harder as the night air grew cooler and knew they would have to get him out of his wet clothing as soon as possible. The Jaffa also felt Mitchell leaning heavier and heavier on him the further they walked; not that he minded shouldering the extra weight, but he was beginning to worry that the colonel was hurt worse than they had first ascertained.

"You must remain awake Colonel Mitchell." Teal'c gave the man a slight shake as they walked when he felt him trying to nod off.

"I am awake." Came the mumbled response.

"Indeed." Teal'c raised an eyebrow in fond amusement.

Soon the campfire came into view, and Sam jumped up when she saw the three approaching; Teal'c half carrying the colonel.

"What happened?" She asked quickly.

"I'm not sure," Daniel answered her as he sat down the pack he'd been carrying, "but my best guess is that Mitchell found one of our packs in the river and ended up in there with it before he got it out. He cut his left leg up pretty good in the process."

Carefully Teal'c eased his burden down helping the shivering man lean back against the trunk of a tree. Cam finally begin to come out of his stupor as he felt hands pulling his vest off and start working on his jacket.

"Whoa there big guy." He stuttered out through chattering teeth as he ineffectually tried to push Teal'c's hands away from him, "I'm flattered but you really ain't my type."

"And what is your type?" Daniel asked as he knelt down to help Teal'c get the struggling man's wet t-shirt off, while Carter dug through their meager first-aid supplies looking for gauze and antiseptic.

"Well it sure ain't tall, dark, and menacing." Cam muttered, which earned a grin from the archaeologist and a raised eyebrow from Teal'c.

Soon they had Mitchell out of everything but his boxers – which he'd flat out refused to part with – and wrapped in an emergency blanket lying by the fire.

Sam moved the blanket away from Cam's leg and had Teal'c hold the appendage still while she cleaned the wound as best she could before wrapping it tightly in a field bandage.

Whether Cam had passed out or simply fell asleep they couldn't be sure but the colonel was currently oblivious to the world.

TBC

End Note: I know the mission and anomaly have been a bit vague, but I don't have much time to devote to the story so I'm mostly focusing on the team. Also the idea of Mitchell having insecurities comes from the episode Avalon where he was talking to Carter over the video feed and said "What if the world needs saving because I screwed up."

If you read the story I'd love to know what you thought.


	2. Chapter 2

Part Two

Warning: Mild language, and I suppose if someone was _really_ sensitive to blood or disturbing images they might not like Part Two but I don't personally think that it's any worse than different episodes of the show. But hey, read at your own risk.

Also, the few quotes from Collateral Damage I have in here I did from memory so sorry if a word or two is off.

**Part Two**

"_It's not exactly friendly skies out here boys and girls can I get a confirmation on that target?" _

"_Mustang Three this is Mustang Leader you are cleared hot. I repeat you are cleared hot."_

"_We sure about this?"_

"_That's affirmative. Bump up to fifteen hundred for reacquisition."_

_In slow motion he watched himself remove the trigger guard, for a brief moment he hesitated before depressing the red button that would spell doom for everyone in the convoy below. But he had orders and the Intel was solid, the target was in the convoy, even though Cam didn't know who the target was, he knew that the man had to be taken down or the young captain wouldn't have been sent on the mission. Killing was hard under any circumstance, but he also knew that by killing whoever the target was he would be saving far more lives in the long run. That knowledge is what gave Captain Cameron Mitchell the courage and resolve to press the trigger and drop the bomb. _

_Only to have the world shatter about him as in the next second confirmation was lost. Mere seconds passed as the bomb fell towards its unsuspecting victims, but for the young Captain in the cockpit it was an eternity of torment. If only he had hesitated longer! If only he had waited one second more before dropping the bomb! But he hadn't and at last a bright light ignited upon the ground right where the convoy should have been, the bomb incinerating countless innocents. The flames rose up from the ground mocking him in their glee as it consumed the poor souls. As the captain watched the flames came higher and higher, they kept rising until they rose up and surrounded him, licking at the glass panels around him trying to reach him. The smoke was leaking through into the cockpit choking him, it swirled around and around inside there with him until it begin to take on the shapes of faces. Featureless faces with sightless eyes, mouths open in undying screams, accusations ringing out from them even though they had no voice to speak with. They had no voice because he'd killed them, he was responsible, it was his fault. _

"_Yes." Said a voice, a very familiar voice, "You should feel guilty, it is your fault. You killed them. Just like you killed me." As the words echoed around him – nearly drowned out by the haunting screams from the convoy – Reya's face appeared in front of him. Beautiful as he remembered her, only slowly cuts and bruises began to appear, blood dripping down marring the graceful features. "You killed me Cameron Mitchell. You left the party with me, you made my husband jealous, you were there in the room as he murdered me and you did NOTHING! Do you enjoy watching innocent people die Colonel Mitchell? Do you enjoy having the blood of countless souls on your hands? What would your team think? What would they think of your worthless, pathetic excuse of existence, if they knew? If they knew that you were a murderer." _

"_No." Cam shook his head, "No. I didn't…I ain't…I'm not a murderer."_

"_Oh, but you are." Reya told him with a sinister sneer, "And what's worse is that you enjoyed it."_

"_No! No, no, I never…I wouldn't…I didn't mean to kill them. It wasn't supposed to happen!" Cam cried desperately, just wanting the torment to stop. He couldn't handle staring into Reya's sightless eyes, or the hollow faces surrounding him in the fire and smoke. _

"_No! Just…just stop it! Leave me alone! I didn't mean to kill you! I didn't mean to kill them." He said hollowly, brokenly, "It was an accident. I'm sorry." _

_But there was no escaping the flames as they came closer, or the nameless faces that closed around him on all sides smothering him, screaming at him, saying they were going to make him pay. _

"_No…" Cam whispered weakly as they all closed in. _

"Colonel Mitchell? Colonel Mitchell?"

Cam gasped loudly as his eyes flashed open and he tried to bolt upright, but something held him down and he begin thrashing as the vise around him closed tighter, suffocating him – just like…

"Colonel Mitchell you must remain calm."

"T…Teal'c?" Cam finally asked between panting breaths as his befuddled mind recognized the voice.

"It is I, Colonel Mitchell. Please remain still and slow your breathing."

"Wha…what?" Cam tried to shake the last remnants of the vivid nightmare off as he took note of his surroundings; which is when he noticed that Teal'c was lying next to him under an emergency blanket by the fire and that the vice he'd felt around him were the big Jaffa's muscular arms.

"Uh…hey there big guy, I thought we already had this talk? I'm real flattered but you still ain't my type."

"That is well Colonel Mitchell." Teal'c answered with only the slightest trace of a grin at the corner of his mouth, "For you also, are not my type."

"Good to know."

"Indeed."

"Well isn't this a Kodak moment." An amused voice stated.

"Jackson, you even think about taking a picture with that damn camera you carry around all the time and my mission report when we get back to the SGC is going to clearly state that I have no memory of exactly when or how both your jaws and all ten fingers got regrettably broken."

"I concur." Teal'c added his own ultimatum to the colonel's threat.

"Nobody has a sense of humor these days." The archaeologist lamented with an exaggerated shake of his head.

"Now, no offence Teal'c but do you mind tellin' me exactly what in the hell you're doin' under here with me?"

"Attempting to share body heat."

"Oh that's comforting."

"Relax Cam," Carter said kneeling down on the other side of him, "you were pretty cold and we had to get you warmed up before you became hypothermic or went into shock. We figured Teal'c was the best candidate."

Trying to deflect some of the awkwardness he was feeling away from himself Cam told the Jaffa, "Teal'c I think she just insulted you."

"In what way Colonel Mitchell?"

"She said you were fat buddy."

"Indeed." Teal'c said raising an eyebrow and meeting Sam's knowing grin as the blond shook her head.

"Now if you don't mind I am all warmed up now so you can quit hugging me anytime."

"Now who's insulting who?" Carter asked, as she helped Teal'c – who Cam thankfully noted was still fully dressed – extricate himself from the confines of the blanket.

"What happened anyway?" Cam asked pushing himself into a sitting position; unsuccessfully stifling a gasp as he jarred his injured leg.

"Do you not remember Colonel Mitchell?" Teal'c asked as he steadied the wavering man.

"Umm…" Cam tried to clear his mind of the last vestiges of the nightmare and remember what happened to land him in this sorry state, "Oh yeah," he finally stated, "the river."

"Apparently you fell in while retrieving one of our supply packs." Carter said, "Which was a stupid thing to do alone. You fell in Cam, what if you hadn't been able to get out by yourself?"

Cam wanted to give some hot retort as his anger from earlier returned with a vengeance but found that he just didn't have the energy; and looking back on it, it had been a stupid move he finally admitted to himself.

His sleep had been anything but restful, even so his headache had eased – if only slightly – and he realized he had better get his act together and put on his good ol' boy charm before he made matters worse with his team than he figured they already were.

"Yeah, I know Carter. Learned my lesson alright, it'll never happen again, scouts honor."

"Yeah right." Sam said unconvinced.

"How long was I out for?" Mitchell asked changing the subject.

"Almost five hours." Carter answered.

"We were beginning to get worried." Daniel added, "Thought maybe you'd hit your head or something but we couldn't find any bumps."

"Yeah well I haven't been sleeping well lately, guess it just caught up with me." The words were out of his mouth before Mitchell realized it.

"Yeah about that," Daniel said hesitantly, the linguist was rarely hesitant before speaking, he usually had no trouble saying what was on his mind; so it had alarm bells going off in Cam's head as he waited for the man to continue.

"Before you woke up…it seemed like you were dreaming, and not a pleasant dream either, it looked like you were having a pretty vivid nightmare."

"Really?" The colonel asked, trying to be as nonchalant about it as possible, "Don't recall dreaming about anything, must of just been restless or somethin'."

"Cam." Carter said slowly, almost gently, "You were…talking…in your sleep."

Mitchell swallowed hard, keeping his voice level he finally asked, "What did I say?"

The other members of SG-1 all shared a long look, each remembering the colonel's desperate cries as he thrashed about caught in the nightmare. At last deciding it was time they got the truth out there, Daniel spoke, "You said that you were sorry, that it wasn't supposed to happen." Jackson paused a moment, "You said that you weren't a murderer…that it was an accident. You said that you didn't mean to…kill _them_."

Mitchell stared into the fire, his eyes burning but refusing to let a tear fall, he'd tried so hard not to let the team know anything about this, yet it appeared that his sleep had betrayed him.

"Cam," Carter said slowly, almost as if she were talking to a frightened animal, "maybe it would help if you talked about it."

"There's nothing to talk about!" Mitchell spat.

"Obviously there is!" Sam insisted, "You haven't acted like yourself since we got back from Galar. Whatever memory you had to remember was hard for you I get that Cameron, but you can't let it eat away at you like this."

"Damn it Sam!" The colonel shouted as he unthinkingly jumped to his feet letting the blanket fall aside, "I…" The world tilted dangerously around him as his headache picked up with a vengeance, at the same time the sharp pain in his leg decided to vie for dominance. His leg began to buckle under him and he would have fallen if not for Teal'c's strong arms wrapping around him for the second time that night and with a gentleness that belied his large stature eased his injured teammate to the ground.

"Easy Cam." Carter said as she moved in to check his leg, the discussion was forgotten for the moment.

"How is it Sam?" Daniel asked as he stepped up to look over her shoulder at the angry looking wound that had started bleeding rather heavily again due to the sudden movement.

"It needs stitches." The blond replied, "There's no way I want to leave it open for the next thirty six hours while we wait to be able to dial back to the SGC."

"Then what's the problem?" Cam asked from his position propped up against Teal'c, "Stitch it already and get it over with."

"What's the problem? Let me see where should I start? There's the fact that the only painkillers we have left in our supplies is a few Tylenol, not exactly going to numb the wound site, then there's the little fact that we don't have a needle and thread either, and then lets not be forgetting the fact that I'm a doctor of the PhD variety and am not exactly qualified to be sewing a human body back together."

"Is that all?" Cam asked with a slight chuckle, "An here I thought it was something serious."

"This isn't funny Cameron."

"I know that Sam, it's my leg remember?" Mitchell sighed, "Jackson, would you grab my tac-vest?" Daniel raised an eyebrow but complied carrying the colonel's still damp vest over. Reaching into one of the small pockets Mitchell dug around for a moment before pulling out a small bag and tossing it to Sam.

Carter looked at it curiously before opening it to reveal a small sewing needle and thread.

"You carry around needles with thread in your _tac-vest_?" Daniel asked incredulously.

"A little piece of wisdom that I picked up from my grandmother." Cam shrugged.

"Oh I get it. So your grandmother went around carrying her sewing kit with her in her tac-vest on off-world missions and in combat situations all the time too than."

"Cute Jackson," Cam's tone said he was anything but amused, "No. My grandmother was of the school of thought that every man should know enough about sewing to be able to mend his own things. When I joined the Air Force she insisted that I promise to carry that little bag there with me every time I went out on a mission, she said I'd never know when I might need it."

"Huh. Who'd ah thought." Daniel shook his head.

"It would appear that grandmother's know best." Teal'c said drolly.

"Mother knows best, Teal'c, the term is mother knows best." Cam corrected automatically.

"Indeed."

"You're just yankin' my chain aren't you?" Cam sent him a mock glare. The Jaffa's responding eyebrow raise was answer enough.

"Still," Sam interrupted the three, "this needle isn't made for sewing up flesh, and I still don't miraculously have an M.D. behind my name."

"Just bend the needle to a slight curve so it's more like a surgical one and it'll work, trust me."

"You sound like you've done this before." Daniel commented.

"Yeah, well when grandma said I'd never know when it'd come in handy, she wasn't kidding."

"Still I'm not sure about this." Carter said.

"You'll do fine Sam, think of it like quilting in home-ec class, only with a little blood and your quilt screaming at you to stop killing it." Cam assured with a half-hearted grin, trying to lighten the mood.

"Gee thanks. A pep talk like that just makes me feel so much better."

"Anytime."

"Well here goes nothing." Sam bent the needle as Cam instructed then gave him the Tylenol. She thoroughly cleaned the wound once more before she took the needle in her imperceptibly trembling hand and as gently as possible inserted it into her friends flesh.

Teal'c held Mitchell still in case he got the sudden urge to shift, while Daniel assisted Sam in her surgical endeavor.

The colonel grunted and groaned a few times and sweat broke out on his forehead; but he held himself perfectly still and never cried out once through the ordeal.

"Well," Cam said breathlessly, "that was fun."

"Yeah, well," Carter replied just as breathless, "let's not do it again."

"Ya hear that Mitchell, I guess that means you can't take any more impromptu swims in alien rivers." Daniel joked as he helped Sam re-bandage the colonel's leg with their fast dwindling first-aid supplies.

"Everyone's a comedian. Do me a favor Jackson, don't quit your day job."

"What and miss out on all this fun?" The archaeologist teased, "Never."

"By the way, I don't suppose my clothes are dry yet?" The colonel asked, looking over to where his BDU's were laid out on the other side of the fire.

"No I'm afraid not." Daniel said apologetically.

"Damn." Cam swore softly, there was nothing like lying around on an alien planet in front of your team wearing nothing but your boxers; talk about feeling vulnerable.

With Teal'c's assistance Mitchell was soon sitting up leaning against a nearby tree; cocooned in the blanket to stave off the chilly night air – it wasn't exactly winter on the planet but it felt like a pretty cool Fall.

Daniel dug out some of the few MRE's that had been in the downed supply pack Cam rescued – thank goodness military food was well-sealed – and handed one out to everybody.

"You guys haven't eaten yet?" Mitchell asked surprised.

"No. We weren't all that hungry so we decided to wait to eat until you woke up." Carter answered as she dug into her prepackaged meal. Cam easily read through the lines and realized the rest of SG-1 hadn't eaten because they'd been worried; about _him_. Which while that made Cameron feel bad, it also made him feel kinda good.

Maybe there was hope to salvage his place on the team yet after all.

TBC

End Note: Okay for some reason I cannot get a story to come out the way I intend for it to. This story is only my second attempt at fan fiction so for right now that's my excuse and I'm sticking to it. I hope part two wasn't too awful?


	3. Chapter 3

Part Three

For disclaimer and warnings see previous chapters.

Authors Note: So sorry that Part Three was so long in coming. I got sick for a week then got behind on things and didn't have time to write. I would also like to thank everyone who has reviewed this story so far. I really, really appreciate you taking the time to let me know what you think. I hope you all like part three as well as you have the rest of the story so far.

**Part Three**

The next morning came about brisk and cold; something that Colonel Mitchell currently was not.

The inevitable fever had finally set in and had the rest of SG-1 alternating to keep him calm and cool; the former was harder due to the latter.

The nightmare Cameron had suffered while previously unconscious had only been the first of many, and they continued throughout the entire day. It tore at the others, helplessly watching as their friend thrashed and cried out in his sleep. At times, as the fever would spike, Teal'c would have to resort to restraining the colonel to keep him from hurting himself and the others while in his delirium.

Cam's apologies – to those that only he could see – echoed through their small camp as he was tormented by those whose lives he had taken.

"Damn it, Sam!" Daniel stood pacing, "There's got to be something we can do!"

"I wish there was Daniel, but I gave him the last of the Tylenol an hour ago, which didn't help the fever anyways, and we don't have anything else to give him; no antibiotics, fever reducers, pain killers, nothing."

The archaeologist sighed heavily, massaging his eyes under his glasses, "I know Sam, it's not your fault. I just…it's hard seeing him like this. I mean Mitchell is always so…bright and jovial. At first when he joined the team I wondered if he was capable of being serious for even a _minute_, he made everything into a joke…and now, now I see what lay under that mask and… I miss the jokes."

"We all have our demons Daniel, we just don't know Cam well enough yet to know what all his are."

However, at this point the rest of SG-1 wasn't sure they wanted to know. Sometimes ignorance was bliss.

"I believe I may have seen a plant on this world that could be of benefit to Colonel Mitchell." Teal'c stated out of the blue.

"A plant?" Carter asked.

"Indeed. On Chul'lac there was a flower that grew near the banks of the rivers, the roots of which had healing properties as I recall. I believe I may have seen a similar plant on this world when we first came to the river."

"You mean like an herb?" Daniel clarified.

"Indeed."

"Well it can't hurt." Sam decided, "Teal'c do you think you can find it before it gets dark?"

Looking through the trees at the slowly setting sun the large Jaffa inclined his head as he rose to his feet.

"Daniel you should go with him."

"That is unnecessary."

"Teal'c is right Sam," Jackson replied, "If Mitchell's fever spikes you'll need an extra pair of hands."

"You're right." The blond agreed, "Just be careful okay Teal'c."

With one last incline of his head the Jaffa disappeared among the trees headed back towards the river.

SG-1/SG-1/SG-1/SG-1

Voices.

He could hear voices but he couldn't understand what they were saying, drowned out as they were by the constant screaming that surrounded him.

Where was he? Wherever it was it was _hot_. Not hot like a day at the beach surrounded by beautiful women. Hot like being on fire, like burning alive. Is that what was happening? Had the flames from the decimated convoy finally reached him? Was he being consumed by his mistakes at last?

If that was the case, then maybe he shouldn't fight it, maybe he should just give in. After all he deserved it, didn't he? Maybe it would be for the best. He was so tired. Tired of the guilt and regret, tired of reliving the nightmares in his mind.

As if on cue the twisted memory started back up again. The desert, the smoke, the fire…the screaming faceless ghosts rising out of the wreckage to torment him, and Reya. Her sightless eyes staring at him in a sneer as her mocking voice condemned him yet again for all his failures.

It was too much, he had no energy left to fight, and the heat was suffocating.

But there, somewhere amid the screaming and yelling and smoke and flames and fire and ghosts, there were voices.

They sounded so familiar and they were calling to him, not yelling, not screaming, not condemning, they were…soothing. He couldn't make out the words among the crescendo that surrounded him, but he grabbed onto those voices like a lifeline.

Slowly, ever so slowly, he let the voices pull him to the surface.

SG-1/SG-1/SG-1/SG-1

Teal'c swiftly made his way back to camp from the river; his hands filled with the pink flowering plant that he'd found at the waters edge. Ironic that it was at the river where Colonel Mitchell incurred his injury and it was at the river that grew that which may alleviate the colonel's illness.

It was nearly dark when Teal'c entered the camp, he could hear Carter and Jackson's voices as they tried to sooth their restless team leader. The two looked up at the big Jaffa's approach.

"Did you find it?" Daniel asked.

"Indeed. How is Colonel Mitchell?"

"He seemed to get pretty distressed again for awhile but the last few minutes it's been almost as if he was trying to respond to our voices. I think maybe we were getting through to him." Sam said with a tired smile, "He…"

"He is… right… here." Said a weak voice, barely loud enough to be heard.

"Cam!" Carter exclaimed with shock, as she and the others stared down into the barely coherent half-lidded eyes, "You're awake."

"It is good to see you awake Colonel Mitchell." Teal'c stated as he knelt down next to the others at Mitchell's side.

"Teal'c?" Cam asked weakly as he tried to make out the Jaffa's large form next to him.

"It is I, Colonel Mitchell."

Cameron's eyes were already starting to close, worn out by even that miniscule amount of exertion, but Sam was tapping his face holding a canteen and made him drink a few sips while Daniel held his head up.

Mitchell was fighting a loosing battle with consciousness when something caught his attention, directing his only semi-lucid question at no one in particular he mumbled, "Did Teal'c bring me _flowers_?"

SG-1/SG-1/SG-1/SG-1

The team took turns during the night keeping an eye on the colonel.

Teal'c had instructed Sam how to prepare the herb-like plant to make both a drink for Mitchell as well as a make-shift poultice for his angry looking wound.

Throughout their diligent ministrations Cam had not regained consciousness since his brief foray among the living.

The herb had brought the colonel's fever down and even looked to be having a positive effect on the gash in his leg, but still Mitchell did not awaken.

The next morning they were sitting around the fire eating a breakfast that consisted of a native fruit they'd come across on the vacant world, when Carter finally brought up something that had been weighing heavily on her mind, "I think something's wrong with Mitchell."

"Uhmm," Daniel shared a strange look with Teal'c, "yeah… he fell in a very cold river and cut his leg up pretty bad, remember?"

"Huh? No, that's not what I mean." Sam ran a hand through her short blond hair, "I mean, I think maybe something besides that. Maybe even before that. Think about it. His fever has come down, I mean it's still high, but not like it was. Yet rousing him is like trying to wake the dead. And those nightmares he's been having are intense, more intense than I would have thought the fever warranted. And it's like it's always the same nightmare, in the same sequence; I'm no doctor – medically speaking anyway – but that seems odd."

"I guess you do have a point." Jackson said thoughtfully.

"And not just that," Carter continued, "but that outburst of his before he took off to the river was completely out of character, even if Cam was feeling like that he has far too much control over his emotions to give into an outburst like that that suddenly. I mean I know he's been a little distant since the incident on Galar and I know what he went through was hard, but I think there's more to it than that."

"I concur." Teal'c stated, "Colonel Mitchell has not acted like himself for some time. Though he has greatly attempted to hide it, I believe he has been suffering from nightmares and headaches since we returned from the Galarans home world."

"Okay, so if it wasn't the, lets call it emotional trauma, that he went through, what do you think is wrong?" Jackson asked.

"Honestly I don't know Daniel, but…" Sam paused for a minute.

"But you have an idea?" The archaeologist pressed.

"If I were to make a guess, I'd say it was something to do with that damn memory device."

"What, like it messed him up somehow? The Galarans use the thing all the time and don't seem to have any problems with it, well other than murders getting to frame other people and get off scot-free that is."

"Be that as it may," Carter replied, "the Galarans aren't usually rendered unconscious before the machine is used against their will on them. And they don't have the memories replayed over and over and over again. I'm just thinking maybe having your brain all but ripped open and your memories played with like they're video games might have more of a negative effect then we realized."

"I see your point but Dr. Lam checked him out the second we got back and didn't find anything that she thought was that unusual under the circumstances."

"I know but I think she needs to check him again."

"Well," Daniel said, looking at his watch, "in what about another ten, twelve hours we should be able to 'gate back?"

"Yes, we should get back to the SGC late this evening." Carter confirmed.

"Then I guess we just wait."

Silence settled over the small group as they finished breakfast, each mulling over their own thoughts.

SG-1/SG-1/SG-1/SG-1

Daniel was sitting alone in the camp with Mitchell, his head buried in one of his many journals, while Sam, assisted by Teal'c, was off checking out their space anomaly; even after nine years and having once been an ascended being the archaeologist still didn't understand half the technical stuff the brilliant physicist did. But Daniel knew that she knew what she was talking about and that was all that mattered.

A strange shifting sound tried to catch his attention but after sparing a brief glance at Mitchell to make sure the colonel was all right, Jackson immediately had his nose buried back in the book.

The noise came again, slightly louder and Daniel realized, _from his left_; Mitchell was on his _right_. Immediately he dropped the book and was on his feet searching the area left of the camp, his right hand rested on his holstered nine mil prepared to draw at a moments notice; just like Jack had taught him.

The shifting noise came again accompanied by the rustling of a bush at the edge of the camp.

"What the…" Jackson frowned in confusion at what looked to be Mitchell's rescued supply pack trying to dig it's way into the bush of its own accord.

Realization dawned when he saw a yellowish tail flick out and back in among the shrub.

"Why you little…" Jackson cursed quietly as he reached for a fallen branch before making his way towards the mischievous thief.

In one fast move he grabbed the pack in his left hand as he swung the branch at the bush with his right. The monkey-like creature was fast though and jumped out of the way of the make-shift club, making a loud screeching noise with his teeth; Daniel half expected the thing to raise it's fist in the air at him.

The creature – whatever it was – was nothing if not persistent and made a dive for the pack. Daniel swung it back just in time and kicked out at the creature with his foot, just barely missing it as the little creature danced out of the way and jumped onto a low branch of a tree a couple feet away.

"Get! Go on get out of here!" Daniel said, as he waved the branch threateningly at it. Under other circumstances the yellowish, sort of slick skinned, monkey like creature with big expressive eyes, might would have been cute. But considering that it was this incessant pests antics is what got Colonel Mitchell hurt in the first place, well it wasn't quite so cuddly looking anymore.

Over the next several minutes Daniel and the _monkey_, developed a sort of pattern; Daniel would take a step towards the thing swinging the branch, trying to scare it away with the club and a loud yell, and the _monkey_ would swing to another tree just out of the archaeologists reach, all but sticking it's tongue out at the man in mockery.

In a last effort of frustration Daniel lunged at the thing and brushed it with the branch at last; tripping over some undergrowth in the process and landing flat on his face. But the _monkey_ it seemed had tired of the game at last and bounded away from tree to tree and was instantly out of sight.

Daniel lay flat on the ground breathing heavily when a weak, rasping laugh from behind him caught his attention and he lifted his head to see Mitchell staring at him through tired eyes, a thin smile on his pale face.

Climbing to his feet the archaeologist quickly made it to his friend's side and knelt down. "Well look who finally decided to join the land of the living. You couldn't have waited like what, another two minutes?"

"And miss…the show? No…way." Cam responded weakly.

Grabbing the canteen laying by the fire that contained the herb-like tea concoction, Daniel un-screwed the lid and gently lifted the colonel's head, "Here, you need to drink this." He put the canteen to Mitchell's lips before the man could protest and gently forced him to drink.

Weakly, Cam finally managed to push the canteen away coughing and sputtering, "What…the hell… is that…crap?"

"It's pretty much all that's kept you going the last day or so. Your leg got infected and you had a bad fever going on. Do you remember?"

Cam closed his eyes in concentration and at last replied, "Last thing… I remember was… eating…supper, I think."

"That was about two days ago, your fever got pretty high, and you were mostly out of it." Daniel said, then with a smile he added in mock seriousness, "As a matter of fact, your fever is still _very_, _very_ high and you aren't really _awake_, I'm a figment of your imagination and what you _think_ you just witnessed a moment ago was actually a very realistic _hallucination_."

"Nice try…Jackson."

"What are you two talking about?" Sam's voice caught them by surprise as she and Teal'c entered the camp, having heard the tail-end of their conversation.

"Oh, nothing, nothing at all." Daniel said, quickly; too quickly.

Carter raised an eyebrow worthy of Teal'c, as she and the Jaffa stared at the archaeologist.

"Jackson…made a…new friend…while you were gone." Mitchell said, with as much of a smirk as he could manage, "I think…he even invented…a new…dance, too."

"Like I was saying," The archaeologist informed the others, "I think Mitchell's fever briefly spiked and that he was obviously delusional."

"_Right_. Well, he seems perfectly lucid to me." Sam said, as she knelt on Cam's other side, "It's good to see you awake, how are you feeling?"

"Like I went…three rounds with…the Sodan…but still…doing better…than, Daniel."

"Oh?" Sam asked curiously, "And how's that?"

"Well…at least I…didn't just go…three rounds with…a _monkey_…and _lose_."

"So that explains the black eye." Carter said in reference to the slowly forming bruise on Daniel's face where he had connected with the ground when he fell, diving for the _monkey_.

Jackson just hung his head; he was never going to live this one down.

Carter checked Cam's leg – which while it still looked bad, was much better than it had been – then tried to convince him to eat some of the native fruit that she and Teal'c had brought back with them.

Mitchell ate all he could manage, which wasn't very much, before asking where his clothes were; as he noticed that he was still clad in only his boxers and a blanket.

"Oh, your clothes," Jackson said, "I think the _monkey_ ran off with them."

Mitchell sent a tired glare at the archaeologist, not having the energy to form a retort.

Realizing that the colonel wasn't up for the verbal banter, Jackson took pity and got his now dry BDU's from where they lay folded with his tac-vest.

"Thanks." Cam managed to say quietly.

"You're welcome." Daniel said, then seeing Cam start to struggle to sit up added, "Maybe you should rest for awhile before trying to get dressed. You've got another what…"

"Seven hours." Sam supplied.

"Seven hours before we 'gate back."

"Yeah, well…the way I feel…it could take that long…just to get…up." Crap, had he just said that out loud? Feeling two massive hands grab his shoulders and gently ease him to a sitting position with an, "Allow me to assist you, Colonel Mitchell." answered his question.

"Thanks…Teal'c." He said, as he leaned heavily against the Jaffa trying to catch his breath.

"You are welcome, Colonel Mitchell."

Next thing Mitchell knew he was being carefully man-handled into his clothing by Jackson and Teal'c, while Carter busied herself with their supply pack the _monkey_ had tried to escape with in an ineffectual air of giving them privacy; she and Cam were both military but everyone had their pride.

By the time they were done Mitchell was too tired to even be embarrassed and was out like a light before Teal'c had finished lowering him to the ground.

SG-1/SG-1/SG-1/SG-1

The hours passed with Cam oblivious to the world and at last it was time to make the trek back to the 'gate.

Rather than try an wake the exhausted colonel, Teal'c merely scooped Mitchell up into his muscular arms and followed Carter as she led the way through the forest; Jackson at their six.

When they realized that they would be stuck on the planet for some time they had been forced to travel some distance from the Stargate to find a suitable place to make camp. Though the planet was uninhabited that was no reason to throw caution to the wind and camp out in the open with no defendable position.

SG-1 was halfway to their destination when their team leader woke up.

"Wha…what the heck?" He started to shift when Teal'c's voice, coming from right above his head stopped him, "Remain still, Colonel Mitchell."

"Teal'c?" Cam was having trouble getting his bearings, "What's…are you…_carrying_ me? Put me…down."

"That would be inadvisable, Colonel Mitchell. We are still some distance from our destination." The deep baritone stated matter-of-factly, as the Jaffa kept walking at a steady pace.

"In…advisable? It's not a…request…it's a damn…order." Cam said, as he struggled weakly in the large man's hold.

"You are ill, Colonel Mitchell. I cannot allow you to injure your leg further by attempting to walk on it."

"Allow me? Damn…it, Teal'c!" Mitchell spat with as much force as he could muster – which the others noticed, wasn't much – and continued to weakly fight against the Jaffa.

Despite his determination the colonel's body was simply too drained to back him up and in moments he was limp in Teal'c's arms breathing heavily; his efforts hadn't even caused the big man to miss a step.

At last they reached the 'gate, at which point the colonel's struggles against the Jaffa's hold began anew. "Put me down, Teal'c! That's…an order!" Mitchell rarely if ever gave an _order_ to the long time members of SG-1 – though as the team leader it was his right – but Cameron was desperate not to be carried back through the Stargate to the SGC like a rag-doll; the whole situation had been humiliating enough without adding_ that_ to it. He wasn't sure he'd ever be able to look the other members of the team in the eye again, he didn't need to add half the personnel at Stargate Command to the list; including General Landry.

Teal'c sensed his distress and knew how important it was to a warrior to be able to walk home under ones own power, carefully he eased Mitchell to his feet and wrapped the colonel's arm around his broad shoulders while keeping a firm grip around the unsteady man's waist; ignoring the disapproving looks form both Carter and Jackson.

Though the Jaffa still supported most of the colonel's weight, Cameron Mitchell walked, _or rather limped_, through the Stargate and into the gray concrete halls of the SGC.

SG-1/SG-1/SG-1/SG-1

General Hank Landry stood at the bottom of the ramp waiting for his flagship team to come through the event horizon. Thankfully Colonel Carter had been able to send them a sub-space comunicae to let them know of the space anomaly and that it would be dangerous to dial out for some time. P4X-833 was an uninhabited planet so the general hadn't been worried about SG-1's safety – unless they died of boredom they would be fine.

So needless to say that when Teal'c came through the 'gate all but dragging a very pale and sweaty Mitchell – whom looked closer to unconsciousness than anyone standing,_ or in this case leaning_, upright should look – the general was surprised.

"What the hell happened?" Landry demanded to know, right after signaling for Walter to call a med-team to the Gate-Room.

"Well, sir," Jackson was the first to respond, "Colonel Mitchell had an unfortunate accident with a river."

"And your eye, Dr. Jackson?" The general questioned.

"Jackson had…an…unfortunate encounter…with a…monkey." Came a very weak and breathless reply; as if suddenly realizing who he was talking to, Mitchell quickly added a quiet, "Sir."

"I see." The general said, though his tone clearly said that he didn't. But Teal'c was busy lowering the colonel down to sit on the edge of the ramp – careful not to jostle his injured leg – while they waited for the med-team and Landry knew that now wasn't the time to be demanding answers. Though he was certainly anxious to find out how SG-1 could come back from a simple mission on an uninhabited world in such a sorry state; then again, from the sounds of it, maybe he didn't _want_ to know.

Sometimes it was hard to believe that the same bedraggled group that stood – and sat – before him was the same team who was responsible for the planets safety; and were incredibly successful at saving the world.

Further discussion and contemplation was cut off by the arrival of Dr. Lam and her team.

"I thought you four were on an uninhabited planet?" The doctor said shaking her head as she stared first at Dr. Jackson, then made her way to Mitchell as he was the one most obvious in need of her services.

Cam was mostly out of it but came to enough at the doctor's arrival to reply, "Jackson…got in a…fight…with a monkey."

"Yes, let's tell everyone shall we." Daniel shook his head, of all times for Mitchell _not_ to lose consciousness, "Well, our dear Colonel here decided to wrestle a river."

The archaeologist decided that two could play this game.

"Colonel don't you know you're not supposed to fight with something bigger than yourself?" Carolyn asked, as she carefully pulled away the dressing on his leg to reveal the infected wound.

"That theory…didn't do…Jackson…much good." Cam was having trouble stringing the words together but was determined not to pass out on the Embarkation Room floor in front of everyone, "That…monkey was…way smaller than…him…and he still…lost."

Further conversation was put on hold as Lam's team, with the help of Teal'c, carefully moved the all but unconscious colonel to the waiting gurney and begin the journey to the infirmary.

SG-1/SG-1/SG-1/SG-1

The rest of SG-1 sat on various exam beds in the infirmary, having finished getting their own post-mission check-ups, and were now waiting – along with General Landry – for news on Mitchell's condition.

After what seemed like forever Dr. Lam finally approached the group and leaned against one of the beds with a sigh.

"How is he?" Sam asked, voicing the question they all wanted to know.

"Well that gash on his leg was pretty bad, there was some small debris that had been pushed deep into the wound so we had to open it up and surgically remove it and properly clean the infected area. Barring any complications, though, his leg should be fine. He'll have a pretty vivid scar though. Which one of you stitched it up in the first place?"

"Uhmm, that would be me." Carter said sheepishly, "Did I do wrong by stitching it closed? Did that make it worse with the debris in there?"

"No, while certainly not ideal, under the circumstances you did the right thing."

Carter let out a long sigh of relief, "Thank God."

"I'm curious about what you used to doctor it with though." Lam said, "I found a strange paste-like substance on and around the wound site."

"It was an herb that Teal'c recognized as being beneficial for fevers and wounds." Daniel spoke up, "Why? Was there something wrong with it?"

"No, the opposite actually. I'd like to see more of the plant and run some tests on it, because from the condition of Mitchell's leg I'd say whatever that plant is, is all that saved him from blood poisoning."

"Blood poisoning?" Carter and Jackson both exclaimed at the same time. "It was that bad?" Sam asked shocked, she'd knew Cam was sick and the wound was bad, but the physicist had had no idea it was _that bad_.

"Colonel Mitchell was very lucky." Carolyn confirmed, "It was close, but with some rest and proper treatment he should be fine."

"Well that's good to hear." Landry stated, meaning it. The general was just getting ready to leave now that he knew SG-1 was all okay and get back to the never-ending paperwork that came with a position of his rank, when Carter's next question stopped him.

"Uh, Carolyn," Sam asked hesitantly, not quite sure how to approach the subject –and feeling a little like she was betraying Cam, even if she knew it was for the best, "is there any kind of test you could do on Cameron, to see if…"

"To see if what?" Lam asked curiously.

Seeing Sam's reluctance to elaborate Daniel took pity on his long time teammate and friend and reluctantly took up the gauntlet, "To see if maybe you missed something when you examined him after his memories were manipulated on Galar."

"Galar?" Lam asked confused.

"That mission was nearly a month ago." General Landry stated, just as confused as his daughter.

"I know, but you see…" Now it was Daniel who didn't know how to proceed.

"We believe that Colonel Mitchell has been suffering ill-effects of the memory device used on him by the Galaran's for some time and has attempted to conceal it." Teal'c came to the rescue with his usual straightforward approach.

"What kind of ill-effects?" Carolyn asked concerned.

"We don't know exactly." Sam spoke up, "But we've all noticed that his behavior has seemed a little off ever since we got back. Now at first we just thought it was to do with the nature of the events that took place and that he just needed a little time to come to terms with Reya's murder and whatever painful memory it was that he'd had to relive. But now I'm thinking that maybe that device affected him adversely somehow. Maybe because he was rendered unconscious before it was used on him or maybe because he had the same memories replayed over and over so many times, but while we were on the planet Cam's fever got pretty high and he was having some pretty vivid nightmares."

"What about the nightmares?" Dr. Lam asked, when Sam paused.

"His nightmares," Daniel began slowly – also feeling like he was somehow betraying Mitchell, but not knowing what to do about it, "seemed to be the same things, in the same sequence, the same way, every time. More like reliving a memory instead of a dream. Just like when he was hooked up to that device."

"Is it possible," Carter asked, hypothesizing as she went, "that the memories Cam had pulled up with the device could somehow be, I don't know…like caught in his brain somehow and replaying themselves like nightmares when he's sleeping? And in turn causing him headaches and mood-swings?"

"I still don't fully understand how that machine works, so I guess anything's possible." Carolyn said, "I can run some tests and see if anything else shows up, maybe there was some kind of delayed response that didn't show up right away in his brain chemistry and we missed it."

"If you noticed Colonel Mitchell acting strangely ever since the mission to Galar, why are you only just now mentioning it?" Landry demanded to know.

"Like Sam said, General," Jackson placated, "we thought it was just due to the emotional stress of what he went through, what with having the memory of murdering Dr. Varrick with his own hands, as well as the other memories he had to relive…with all due respect General, you weren't there. It was very hard on Mitchell."

"I may not have been there Dr. Jackson, but I happen to know what's in Colonel Mitchell's personnel file a little better than you. I have a pretty good idea of what difficult memory he had to relive, and I also happen to know that when the event took place Colonel Mitchell nearly resigned his commission from the Air Force…" A few shocked gasps interrupted Landry's statement, but the general continued, "which I'm very glad he didn't, but regardless of all that; if you thought he was having trouble coping with what had happened on the mission you _all_ should have said something. Whatever the problem, be it medical or psychological, we would have gotten him help, all the sooner."

The object of their discussion was at that moment wheeled through the room and his bed placed just a few rows down from where they were all congregated.

Letting the matter go, _for the moment,_ General Landry left the rest of SG-1 to sit with their team leader while his daughter began preparing for the tests she needed to run on the colonel.

SG-1 was back, the rest could wait a little while longer.

TBC

I hope this chapter was okay?

I kinda wrote it in a rush. (Have lots of work to catch up on after being down for a week.)


	4. Chapter 4

Part Four

For Disclaimer and Warnings see Chapter's 1 & 2.

Author's Note: I warn you again that I have no medical knowledge. I tried to make Cam's condition sound plausible and realistic, I even attempted to research a little about the brain but I gave up seeing as "Alien Memory Device Malfunction" wasn't listed in any of the dictionaries or books that I could find. So I apologize for the mistakes.

**Part Four**

Three days had passed since SG-1's return from P4X-833. Three very long days for Dr. Carolyn Lam as she and her team worked to identify what was wrong with Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell.

She'd had him hooked up to an EEG for the first two days; long enough to identify that there was indeed something weird going on with Mitchell's brainwaves and thought pattern.

Her findings confirmed what Carter and Jackson said about his nightmares seeming more like memories than regular dreams. It was like the memories played out as if he were still hooked to the device, only with a slight dreamlike quality to it that allowed his subconscious to twist the memory into a full-blown nightmare; that just kept repeating itself.

The poor colonel's brain chemistry was all out of whack – for lack of a proper medical term – his norepinephrine, serotonin, melatonin, and multiple other neurotransmitters were all over the place, affecting both his mood and cognitive functions. The nightmares robbed him of actually getting proper sleep, the fever and leg wound had robbed him of the last of his waning strength and added with the side effects from the multiple drugs Carolyn had him on trying to straighten everything out, the colonel's mood-swings were becoming legendary.

She'd feared she'd have to have him restrained a couple times over the last few days, but so far had thankfully managed to avoid it – thanks in large part to Teal'c being around to help at just the right times. Unfortunately things would probably get worse before they got better.

Mitchell was currently out-like-a-light lying in a bed towards a back corner of the infirmary.

The rest of SG-1 had barely left his side except when totally necessary or when Lam had thrown them out, and were currently sitting in a cluster around his bed as she walked into the room.

Like father like daughter, or like daughter like father, whichever way one wanted to look at it, General Landry entered the room from another door at the same time as Carolyn.

The beautiful black haired physician had to admit – though never out loud – that working under her father wasn't as horrible as she had thought it would be when she first found out that he was her new boss.

Part of her knew that the man was trying to make amends as best he could, but the other part of her still resented him for all the mistakes of the past. Their relationship was making progress though even if it was only one miniscule increment at a time.

Converging at Mitchell's bed at the same time, the standard greetings between them and the rest of SG-1 saved Lam and Landry both from an awkward moment of indecision.

"So," The general asked, "how's our patient doing this morning?"

"About the same." The doctor answered; this Carolyn could do, discussing the health of her patient came naturally and it was a professional topic that was safe from past misunderstandings and arguments and any number of other no-go zones between her and her father, "I still haven't fully diagnosed what's wrong but the Galaran's memory device is definitely responsible. We didn't notice anything originally because the damage appears to have been slow in developing. Over time Colonel Mitchell's brain chemistry has slowly been getting out of sync for lack of a better way to state it. His neurotransmitters are all over the place and his whole system has been affected by it. On top of that somehow the memory device seems to have left like a stamp on his mind where it just keeps looping the same memory/nightmare over and over again. The emotional distress of reliving that every time he went to sleep along with his brain chemistry being so messed up, coupled with the lack of treatment has slowly had his condition deteriorating. His fall into the river, cut to the leg, and fever was the straw that finally broke the proverbial camels back."

"What can we do?" Carter asked from where she sat slumped in a chair next to Cam's bed.

"Well, as you know I have him on multiple drugs that will hopefully help stabilize his brain fluctuations. As for the memory problem, I contacted Dr. Amuro about the situation and he should be sending me some information from their research on the memory device that will hopefully give me a better idea on how to proceed. The brain is the most complicated organ in the human body; 3.5 pounds of jelly-like mass containing more than 100 billion neurons and up to 50 trillion neuralgia." Pausing Carolyn let out a long sigh, "About all I can say for sure at this point is that Colonel Mitchell's mood-swings are going to get worse before they get better. And whatever that nightmare is that he's been having isn't helping matters any. The best thing for now is just to be there for him until we can get this whole thing straightened out."

"Speaking of nightmares," Daniel spoke up asking the question that the rest of SG-1 as well as Dr. Lam had been curious about for the last few days, "General, what exactly is the memory that he's been reliving? If we're going to help him through this we need to know what happened."

Landry sighed heavily as he warred within himself how much to tell Mitchell's team. Finally realizing that Jackson had a point he decided on a happy medium, taking a long breath the general said, "What happened isn't my place to tell you." Several mouths were already beginning to open in protest when Landry continued, "But I will tell you this much. Colonel Mitchell, or rather Captain Mitchell, was on a mission some years ago that went terribly wrong. He was ordered to take out a target and…let's just say there was a fair bit of collateral damage involved before it was over."

"My God." Sam said shocked.

"No wonder…" Daniel trailed off quietly.

Dr. Lam just shook her head sadly.

"Collateral damage?" Teal'c stated softly, "I am unfamiliar with that term."

"It's when innocent civilians are accidentally killed in a tactical military operation." General Landry said sadly, thinking it was a shame that the military _had_ a term for such a thing.

"I guess that explains a lot." Daniel said in reference to Cam's nightmares as well as his reaction to having to relive the memory on Galar.

"Yeah…" Sam agreed as she ran a hand over her face.

All eyes turned to the pale man sleeping in the narrow infirmary bed, oblivious to the conversation going on about him.

Each of them made a silent vow that they would see Cameron through this. And they'd all be stronger because of it.

It was as they'd all heard Cam quote; what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger.

SG1-SG1-SG1-SG1

Cameron Mitchell was not a happy man. He'd been stuck in the infirmary for a week, being poked, prodded, tested, and medicated to the point of…well there wasn't really a point one could reach other then the breaking one, or in this case; breaking _out_.

He was a Lieutenant Colonel in the United States Air Force for crying out loud! Did they really think they could hold a man that they'd put through six weeks of Airborne training at Fort Benning, and trained for covert ops, and who happened to work on the most dangerous frontline team in the galaxy, in the _infirmary_?

Cam had been watching and waiting for his chance to escape. As far as the colonel was concerned there was nothing wrong with him, everyone was overreacting to a few bad dreams, nothing was wrong with his brain or cognitive functions; he was thinking perfectly clear.

So at last when he felt the time was right Colonel Mitchell hurriedly removed the IV and other various monitors and leads and got the heck out of dodge.

Adrenaline coursed through his veins as he made his way as stealthily as his weakened body would allow from corridor to corridor avoiding as much human contact as possible.

The farther he made his way from the dreaded infirmary without any sign of getting caught the more the colonel began to relax, in turn causing his adrenaline to slow down, thus causing his perpetual headache to gain momentum and the leg wound he'd nearly forgotten about start aching with a fiery vengeance.

Cam was breathing heavy and sweat pored down his ever paling face, but the determined man was not about to give up until he made it to his quarters so he could change out of the blue scrubs and sneak off base so he could go home and have some peace with which to deal with all that had been happening.

He was just turning into the last corridor nearing his destination when a voice to his left made him stop dead in his tracks.

"Colonel Mitchell what the hell do you think you're doing?"

What little color Cam had was lost as he turned to face the irate person.

"Uh, General, I uh, that is, Dr. Lam released me from the infirmary to go back to my quarters. I was just heading there now, sir."

General Landry advanced on his prey like a cougar stalking a cornered rat.

"Lying to your Commanding Officer is right up there with insubordination, Colonel." Landry's voice was hard as steal as he stared down the younger man – who was wishing a black hole would open up and swallow him right there in the middle of the SGC hallway.

"I know for a fact that Dr. Lam has no intention of releasing you in the near future seeing as I _just_ came from a meeting with her."

A deer in the headlights had nothing on the colonel at the moment.

"Now you will turn around and march yourself back to that infirmary and stay there until Dr. Lam tells _me_ that you can leave. Is that clear Colonel?"

Cameron _knew_ he should turn around and do _exactly_ what the general said. But every fiber of his being was currently screaming at him to do just the opposite, to ignore the general and go on to his quarters and consequences be damned; somewhere deep down Cam knew that should have warning bells going off in his head and prove that Lam and his team was right, that there was something wrong with him, but that feeling was too deep to penetrate the current mood he was in.

"No." The voice came from his mouth but it didn't sound like him.

"No?" The general repeated, too stunned to be angry; _yet_.

"No, sir." Cam amended, but without respect.

Now Landry was getting angry, he was a_ general_ after all, "Excuse me, _Colonel_?"

Instead of answering, Mitchell simply shouldered past his CO and headed down the corridor once more, only to be abruptly stopped by a firm grip on his arm followed by a steely voice, "Don't you walk away from _me_. You're going back to the infirmary _Colonel_, that's an _order_."

"To hell with your order, _sir_." Mitchell said derisively, as he attempted to jerk his arm from the general's grasp.

Landry held fast to the struggling man – had Cam been at his full strength the general would not have been able to hold him, but as it was they were more or less evenly matched – Hank was shocked by the colonel's attitude and blatant disregard to his orders. He was even more shocked by the fist that came flying at him out of nowhere. However he didn't get to be a general without having learned a thing or two over the years and managed to twist out of the way without loosing his grip on Cameron's arm.

"Stand down Colonel." Hank ordered, to no avail – not that he was surprised, he could tell by the look in the younger man's eyes that he wasn't himself.

Mitchell's struggles to free himself were increasing and unfounded anger mixed with adrenaline gave him an edge over the older man and soon Cameron had Hank Landry pushed up against the gray concrete wall.

"Stand down Colonel." Landry choked out as he tried to push Cam back and free himself from his position face-to-face with the crazed man, "Mitchell, Mitchell you're not thinking straight…"

A vice closed around Landry's throat cutting him off mid-sentence.

The general was just starting to get worried about his predicament – trapped in an empty hall with a half-crazed Colonel Mitchell choking him – when recognition dawned in Cam's eyes like a light bulb.

The utter shock and horror that crossed the pale features would have been comical had the situation not been so dire.

Mitchell released his grip on the general as though he'd been scorched.

Stumbling backwards the colonel's mouth opened and closed – much like a fish out of water – and gaped in gut-wrenching horror at what he'd just done.

"Ge…Gen…General?" Cam stuttered in a bare whisper of disbelief, as he finally collided with the narrow hallway's wall behind him and fell to his knees; whether from weakness or shock or both was anyone's guess.

Any lingering anger that Landry had felt at the incident was eradicated in that moment as he watched the desperate young man before him.

After coughing a couple times to clear his sore throat, Hank, breathing heavily, approached Mitchell slowly with his hand outstretched.

"Easy son." He said, calmly laying his open palm on Cam's shoulder. But Mitchell jerked away from the general in shame.

With a speed that belied his condition Cameron was on his feet and bolting away in the quickest direction he could run.

Landry was just turning the corner in a vain attempt to follow him when he collided with Sergeant Harriman.

"Oh, I'm so sorry General, I didn't see you there sir." The short man of stout heart said anxiously, then as if noticing the general's less than stellar state asked in concern, "General Landry what happened sir? Are you alright?"

"I'll be fine Walter." Hank said, his voice a bit rough, "Call for SG-1 to meet me in my office in ten minutes." Then noticing for the first time the small amount of blood on the floor where Mitchell had been kneeling he amended, "Make that five."

SG1-SG1-SG1-SG1

Cam sat huddled in the corner of a darkened supply room with his hands fisted in his short cropped hair.

What the hell was wrong with him? He'd just _attacked_ General Landry. Whom was not only a_ general_, not only _out-ranked_ him, not only was his _commanding officer_, but was also his _friend_! Cameron would be spending the rest of his life in Leavenworth for attacking his CO and not even know _why_.

Maybe Dr. Lam was right, maybe there really was something wrong with him. Seriously wrong.

How long he sat there in the darkness trying to get his warped aching head to make some semblance of sense Mitchell didn't know. All he knew was that his head throbbed in time with his leg – that he didn't even realize was in fact bleeding – and that he had no idea why he'd just attacked his senior officer.

The door to the supply room abruptly opened followed by the light coming on to reveal a startled Sergeant Siler.

"Colonel Mitchell?" The long time SGC engineer asked shocked, "Everyone's been looking for you, sir."

That was probably the understatement of the year, Cam thought to himself, figuring they probably had the Marines turning the Cheyenne Mountain Complex upside down and inside out to find him.

"Sir?" Siler questioned when he received no reply. Approaching the huddled form slowly the sergeant said cautiously, "Sir, I really should get you to the infirmary." When he still received no response Siler tried a different tactic, "Colonel Mitchell, sir, your team is really worried about you. I'd really appreciate if you'd come with me to the infirmary to let them know that you're alright, sir."

Alright? Alright? Mitchell felt so far from being alright that he didn't even know what that meant anymore. The thought caused a short bark of near hysterical laughter to erupt from his chest; only to be cut off just as quickly.

Sergeant Siler was getting worried and wished he had his radio on him to call for help. He'd just been coming into the supply room for some electrical equipment to fix something in one of the labs when he'd accidentally stumbled onto the colonel sitting in the dark. Half the teams on base were searching for the man and he, Sergeant Siler, just happened to be the one that found him; the irony of the universe never ceased to amaze.

"Colonel Mitchell you really need to come with me, sir."

"Allow me to assist Colonel Mitchell to the infirmary." A deep voice intoned from the doorway.

"Yes, sir." Siler had never been so glad to hear the Jaffa's voice in all his life. The sergeant eased his way out of the room knowing that Colonel Mitchell couldn't be in better hands.

SG1-SG1-SG1-SG1

Teal'c regarded his friend sadly as he approached and knelt next to the man. "Are you alright Colonel Mitchell?"

When Teal'c and the rest of SG-1 had entered Landry's office along with Dr. Lam – whom Walter had called of his own accord due to his concern for the general's health – he had been equally shocked – if somewhat more discreet about it than the others – when he learned of what had transpired between the colonel and General Landry.

Dr. Lam had immediately begun examining the general's neck and checking him for injuries before Landry could even finish his sentence.

Teal'c and the team, along with Colonel Reynolds' team and many more, set out to search for the unwell man immediately.

Teal'c had just been passing the supply room when he'd heard Sergeant Siler's voice say the colonel's name.

So now Teal'c knelt at his distressed friend's side trying to assess his condition; both physically and mentally.

"Colonel Mitchell?"

"What are you doing here, Teal'c?" Came the weary reply at last.

"Attempting to locate you."

"Well congratulations, you found me."

"Indeed. Now I shall assist you to the infirmary." Teal'c said as he began pulling the pale colonel to his feet.

"Don't you mean the brig." It was a statement not a question.

The Jaffa raised a confused eyebrow at Mitchell's words, "I do not."

Cam simply didn't have the energy to argue so he followed along the seemingly endless corridors, occasionally steadied by Teal'c, until at last they reached the very place that Mitchell had been trying to escape from to begin with.

Dr. Lam rushed over to them assessing the colonel with her eyes before motioning to Cameron's previously vacated bed.

With Teal'c's assistance Mitchell was soon sitting on the bed waiting while Carolyn examined first his eyes then his leg, which Cam noticed for the first time was bleeding.

"Well you busted the stitches, that's for sure. How are you feeling, Colonel?"

Cam simply stared at the mattress without answering.

With the help of one of her nurses Dr. Lam begin to clean the blood away from the old wound on his leg and was preparing to re-stitch it when the colonel finally spoke, his voice flat, "Where are the guards?"

"Guards?" Lam questioned, "What guards?"

"Don't play dumb with me damn it!" Mitchell's temper was rising of it's own accord again.

"Colonel you need to calm down." Carolyn said gently.

Cam was opening his mouth to retort hotly when he finally managed to gain control of his spiraling anger, "What the hell is wrong with me?" He whispered.

"As I've told you, Colonel, that memory device on Galar wreaked havoc with your brain chemistry. It's just going to take time to get everything straightened out."

Cam became silent again and Carolyn gave him a shot to numb his leg before she stitched the wound closed. Teal'c had went to call the others and inform them that the colonel had been found and was safe in the infirmary while the doctor worked and returned just in time to hear Cameron tell Dr. Lam, "Restrain me."

"What?" Carolyn asked confused.

"Restrain me." Mitchell repeated, his voice emotionless and flat, "Before I hurt someone else. That's an order."

Both Teal'c and Carolyn were shocked and confused, but when they tried to argue with him Cam became even more insistent and agitated. At last the doctor reluctantly attached wrist restraints to the sides of the bed and gently buckled Mitchell's hands down.

Cameron stiffened uncomfortable in the restraints but held himself still and didn't fight it. He knew this was for the best, if he couldn't trust himself not to hurt people then he'd just have to make sure that he wouldn't be able to even if he tried. Besides it was only a matter of time before General Landry ordered it anyway, so he might as well get used to it.

SG1-SG1-SG1-SG1

Cameron was asleep when Sam and Daniel entered the infirmary; exhaustion had finally caught up with his weakened body.

The two nearly hit the roof when they saw the restraints on their friend and launched into a heated argument with Dr. Lam about it. After Carolyn and Teal'c both explaining to them that it was only at Mitchell's insistence that he be restrained that they had done so the two, while still not happy about it, finally relented and offered their apologies.

SG-1 sat with their sleeping team leader late into the evening before Dr. Lam finally kicked them all out with firm orders not to come back until after a hearty breakfast the next morning.

She was just checking the bandage on Mitchell's leg when he woke up.

The colonel shifted and his body immediately stiffened when his hands encountered the restraints. It took him a moment to remember what had happened, when he did he wouldn't meet the doctor's eyes.

"How are you feeling, Colonel?"

Mitchell refused to answer and Carolyn finished with his leg and wrote something down in his chart before Cameron finally got up the courage to ask the question he'd been dreading, "How…I was wondering…I mean…how is…General Landry?" Okay, so he wouldn't be winning any awards in the eloquent department, but asking your physician how her father was after you'd been the one to try and choke him to death was more awkward than it sounded.

Before Dr. Lam could answer another voice spoke up, "Why don't you ask him yourself?"

Mitchell's head turned so fast to look at the approaching general that it was surprising he didn't get whiplash.

Cam's mouth went dry and he tried to sit up straighter as Landry came to stand beside his bed but the restraints held him down.

With a single look at his daughter, Carolyn nodded her head in understanding and quietly excused herself leaving the two men alone.

Silence reigned awkward and Cam begin to wonder if the general could hear the nervous beating of his pounding heart.

"Relax, Colonel." Landry said. Following the general's gaze to the heart monitor Cam belatedly realized, yes, the general could hear his pounding heart.

Shifting his head away from the general Cameron tried to get his breathing and heart rate under control. If he'd thought he wanted a black hole to open up and swallow him earlier it was nothing compared to how bad he wanted it now.

Hank sighed heavily; he could all but see the shame and distress rolling off the colonel in waves.

"Listen Mitchell, about what happened earlier, I know that you weren't yourself. You're not in any kind of trouble."

Silence met the general's statement before Cam finally said bitterly – the bitterness directed at himself not Landry, "With all due respect, sir, I could've killed you."

"Colonel look at me."

Cam made no move to comply so Hank said more firmly, "Look at me when I'm talking to you, Colonel. That's an order."

Inwardly Landry was pleased to see that Mitchell was back to following orders as the young man reluctantly turned his head to face the general, though still keeping his eyes averted.

"Mitchell I have no doubt in my mind that if you wanted to you could've killed me earlier. But if you'll recall, despite you being very confused and angry, you stopped yourself before you could actually hurt me. You hear me? You stopped yourself. That right there tells me all I need to know."

Reaching down Landry took Mitchell's hand and slowly began to unbuckle the restraint.

Cam was shocked by what the general had said, he'd been certain he was going to be court marshaled and spend the rest of his life in prison, but he recovered enough to say, "Sir, I don't think you should…"

"Dr. Lam says there is no medical reason for you to be kept in restraints and that it was you who ordered her to put them on you in the first place. You know what that tells me Colonel?" Hank asked as he finished with Mitchell's right hand and made his way around the bed to start on his left, "It tells me that despite everything that's going on in that crazy head of yours that your first concern is still protecting others, in this case from yourself, and that also tells me all I need to know."

TBC

Okay, I intended to finish everything up in this chapter but I'm afraid I got carried away. When I originally started this story it was supposed to just be a quick two parts and done, but my fingers have developed a mind of their own and just keep typing more words. I hope I'm not boring you all too much, I know the story doesn't have much action or adventure, I'll try to make sure chapter 5 is the end, and not keep dragging this out.

Again, THANK YOU so much to everyone who has been reading & reviewing!


	5. Chapter 5

Part Five

**Additional Disclaimer:** The poem "The Hurts of War" is by, Donna M. Monnig from the book "Echoes of Time: A Collection of Rhyme" (For regular disclaimer and warnings see chapter's 1 & 2.)

Author's Note: I really tried to finish it all up in this chapter but it just didn't work. I know a couple of those that reviewed said they didn't mind if it went further, hopefully the rest of you won't mind too much either. This chapter I warn you did not turn out at all like I intended, I scrapped it the first time around and rewrote it but it _still_ didn't turn out like I intended. Personally it's my least favorite, but hopefully you'll be able to muddle your way through. Sorry.

**Part Five**

Cameron didn't sleep well that night, his nightmares plaguing him relentlessly; only now added into the repetitious mix was the still form of General Landry and the accusatory stares from his team and Carolyn Lam.

The colonel awoke more than once gasping for breath and heart monitor blaring loudly in his ears, only to have some nurse come over to make sure he was okay, give him a sympathetic look and go back to their nightly duties once he assured them he was fine.

It was getting old.

Morning didn't come soon enough to suit Mitchell and by the time it did he was having trouble fighting off another unnaturally-hard-to-knock bad mood. But after what had transpired the day before with General Landry, Cam was determined not to give in to the unfounded anger and agitation that simmered just below the surface beckoning to him.

At one point the night before Cam had requested a pen and paper from a nurse with which to write a letter. Many times the rest of the night and that morning the colonel had sent a long sad look at the carefully folded note.

A nurse was currently in the process of taking yet another vile of blood from him for testing and Cam silently ground his teeth counting down the song in his head, "_99 bottles of beer on the wall…"_ in an effort to keep himself from biting the young lady's head off. He was currently at _75 bottles of beer_ and found his control slipping further and further with each verse as the nurse kept fumbling around with one thing after another. Just when he thought he wouldn't be able to take it any longer the rest of SG-1 walked into the room loaded down with trays of food.

The nurse _finally_ got done and left them alone as the team took seats around the bed and handed a tray to Mitchell.

"Hope you're hungry," Sam said cheerfully, "Teal'c dipped your tray."

Cam took the tray without comment, he didn't mean to be rude but he hadn't recovered his temper enough from Nurse Vampire to speak civilly yet.

"So how are you feeling this morning?" Sam asked, she and the others were happy to notice the restraints were missing but refrained from mentioning the awkward situation from yesterday.

"Fine." Cam answered shortly as he stared at his food as if it were an Ori Prior.

"Sounds like somebody woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning." Daniel said quietly; but not quietly enough.

"You got somethin' to say, Jackson?" Mitchell barely stopped himself from throwing his tray of food at the archaeologist.

The tone of voice had an odd restrained quality to it that had the rest of SG-1 sharing a concerned look; they'd heard that tone before over the last week and it never boded well.

Discreetly Teal'c set his own food laden tray to the side and shifted, ready to reach for the colonel if it became necessary.

"Well?" Mitchell demanded.

"Actually yes." Daniel said, going for amicable, "I've got a lot of things to say. You could ask Jack sometime, I'm sure he could tell you all about how I talk too much. He was…"

"A better team leader than me?" Cam interrupted bitterly, "Is that what you were gonna say? Cause I already knew that Jackson so why don't you just save it!"

"What is going on here?" Dr. Lam's voice interrupted them before Daniel could form a rebuttal, "I can hear you four all the way across the infirmary." It was actually only the colonel's voice that could be heard but the doctor was smart enough to include all of them in her statement.

"Oh, Jackson, here was just reminiscing about old times." Mitchell answered derisively.

"Why don't you three go finish your breakfast in the commissary?" Carolyn _suggested_ to the others trying to defuse the situation, "I need to give Colonel Mitchell a check-up as it is." To which the said colonel made an unflattering comment only half under his breath; which the others pointedly ignored.

Reluctantly the rest of SG-1 left knowing that it was for the best.

Dr. Lam didn't bother asking Mitchell how he was feeling – knowing the kind of response such a question would likely incite – and went straight to checking monitors and leads and jotting things down in a chart.

The headache that had been building inside Cam's skull all morning finally ignited his simmering temper when Lam shone the inevitable penlight in his eyes.

He was off the bed in a second ripping out his IV and knocking wires askew, the doctor's wrists gripped firmly in his hands as he pushed her backwards until the next infirmary bed blocked the path and they could go no further.

"C…Colonel…you need to calm down." Carolyn said, proud that her voice only trembled slightly as she stared into the most crazed, angry eyes that she had ever seen.

Mitchell was breathing heavily as he furiously wrestled the penlight from the doctor's hand to crush the dreaded device in his fist letting the shattered pieces fall to the concrete floor.

They stood like that for several moments, Cam still gripping one of the doctor's wrists almost painfully tight in his hand.

Unbeknownst to the colonel, Teal'c stood just behind him – the Jaffa having not been comfortable going far knowing the mood that the man was headed into – ready to intervene but waiting trying to give Mitchell the chance to recover his control on his own like he had with General Landry.

Slowly Mitchell released his grip and took a step back. "I…I'm…I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

Finding it impossible to be mad at a man who currently had little to no control over his actions, Carolyn gave a shaky smile, "It's alright Colonel. No harm done. I've had lots of patients threaten to crush that penlight, you'll probably be getting 'thank you' cards for a month." Lam said trying to lighten the atmosphere, but, "I'm sorry." seemed to be the only thing Cam was capable of saying at the moment.

"Now let me take a look at that hand." The doctor said of his bleeding palm, but Cam backed away from her as she took a step towards him; afraid he might still hurt her.

It was only a couple steps before Mitchell backed into an immovable object and turned to find Teal'c looming over him.

"How…how long were you there?" Cam asked, averting his eyes in shame for what he'd just done. First Landry now his daughter; the hell with Leavenworth they'd probably just stick him in the chair and be done with it. _What the hell was wrong with him?_

"Long enough to witness the altercation." Teal'c replied.

"Long enough to…_then why the hell didn't you stop me_?" Cam demanded in disbelief.

"I did not need to."

"Didn't _need_ to? I could've hurt her!"

"But you did not." The Jaffa stated firmly, "As I knew you would not. Had I thought Dr. Lam was in any danger I would have intervened immediately. I knew you would not harm her, Colonel Mitchell."

Cam felt as confused and shattered as the broken penlight that lay scattered about his feet. He let Teal'c guide him back to the bed where a nurse came over and begin reattaching the IV and other equipment, while Dr. Lam, despite his apologies and protests, cleaned his palm of the small cuts and punctures that breaking the penlight had caused; as well as a few cuts on his feet where he had stepped on the sharp shattered pieces.

Carolyn assured him that she was fine, that it wasn't his fault, and that such losses of control were to be expected with everything that he'd been going through, but nothing could ease the increasing guilt and shame that Cam felt.

He'd be lucky if Landry didn't kill him when he found out that he'd attacked the man's daughter. Then again, the way things were going maybe the lucky thing would be if Landry _did_ kill him.

Teal'c sat quietly by Mitchell's side. The Jaffa was a man of few words, but at that moment Teal'c wished for the words that could ease his friend's guilt and inner turmoil; all the while knowing that no such words existed. Sitting there though, Teal'c decided that from then on, he, or one of the other members of SG-1 would be remaining at Mitchell's side at all times. He didn't like the haunted look that was taking residence in the younger man's eyes.

SG1-SG1-SG1-SG1

Sam had been sitting with Cameron for the last couple hours since replacing Teal'c after she and Daniel had brought the others lunch in the infirmary. Mitchell hadn't spoken since the earlier incident and he only pushed his food around on his plate instead of really eating it.

Instead of the quietly simmering anger that had been so commonplace recently it seemed that depression was taking the lead this afternoon. Lam had said that it was a likely possibility that it would happen, despite all the drugs she had Cam on. The colonel's brain chemistry just wasn't righting itself like the doctor had hoped it would, and as of yet Dr. Amuro hadn't sent her any information that was helpful; though he continued looking into anything that might be useful back on Galar.

General Landry had yet to be told of the morning's incident. No one was quite sure how the general would react to the fact that Mitchell had attacked his daughter. Not even Lam herself. Though Carolyn would have to admit that she'd seen a different side of her father the night before that she had forgotten was there. The doctor had stood just outside the doorway during her father's talk with the colonel, and watched amazed at his gentle reassuring words and actions while he undid the restraints on his subordinate. It had reminded her of when she was a little girl, back before her parent's problems and his work had gotten in the way, back when her daddy could take care of and fix everything. Carolyn had forgotten about that side of her father that rarely showed. Even had she remembered she would have never expected to see him so understanding and forgiving to a man under his command; this from the man that happily admitted that he _liked_ yelling at people. So as of yet, Lam nor anyone else had told Landry what had happened; lucky for them the man had been in meetings all morning.

Samantha sat in the chair beside Cam's bed reading a book, while Mitchell lay staring at the opposite wall – he was admittedly a little groggy from the pain medication Lam had given him for his headache, but still quite capable of holding a decent conversation had he been of a mind to.

Carter would normally have had her laptop with her and been researching her latest projects or writing papers, but she simply wasn't in the mood what with all the stress as of late, so instead she had picked up a book that she hadn't looked at in a while.

It was a book of poetry that Janet had given to her some years ago back before the tragic mission that took the kind doctor from their lives forever. Even after all the time that had passed Sam still found her chest tightened painfully every time she remembered her dear friend. Seeing the alternate Janet Frasier come through to the SGC during the recent 'gate malfunction instigated by the alternate SG-1 had been both wonderful and terrible at the same time. It had been wonderful to see her friend again, but terrible to say goodbye.

Part of Sam had warred within herself if maybe they should bring Cassie in to see her adopted mother, but in the end, while it was Janet Frasier it wasn't _their_ Janet Frasier. Sam had decided that it would be worse to bring the poor girl in to see her just for her to have to say goodbye again. Cassandra had adjusted well and there was no need in risking upsetting the girl with something that wouldn't change anything.

Suddenly a voice came blaring over the loud speaker for Colonel Carter to go to Lab 17 immediately. Not wanting to leave Cam but having no choice Carter laid her book down and motioned to Dr. Lam that she was leaving. As Sam left the room she called Daniel on the radio asking him to come sit with Mitchell a little earlier than planned.

Idly Sam wondered what Dr. Lee had messed up this time. The man was smart but he often forgot to engage his brain before trying a new experiment.

Oh well, just another day in the life at Stargate Command.

SG1-SG1-SG1-SG1

Cam heard Carter's name called over the speaker and watched her leave, desperately wishing that he could go with her to see what was going on. Anything was better than just laying around uselessly in an infirmary bed. Mitchell had had enough of hospitals and doctors to last him a lifetime.

He'd spent so much time in a hospital bed after his crash in Antarctica that some days it had been all he could do to keep himself going. That was the longest, hardest, and worst year of his life. But he'd never given up – he'd come close a few times – but even when the doctors said it was likely he'd never walk again, Cameron hadn't given up. He'd been determined to prove them wrong, to fly again…to join SG-1.

But now as he lay in the infirmary staring at the dull gray walls – seriously would a coat of paint be that much to ask for? – Cam begin to wonder if he'd used up his life's allotted amount of determination struggling to walk again, and if this time he had anything left to fight with, or fight for.

The colonel wasn't sure if he could handle one more night of nightmares. Wasn't sure he could stand seeing those haunting sightless eyes condemning him again. Wasn't sure if his ears could tolerate even one more time the relentless screams that plagued his sleepless-sleep.

He'd asked himself a thousand times since that terrible mission, why? Why him? Why them? Why then? Why? Why? Why?

But there was no answer. No rhyme or reason. No explanation. Just the guilt, the regret, and the nightmares.

Dr. Lam came over to check a few monitors and jot a few things down in the chart. "Got some deep thoughts going on in there, Colonel. You want to talk about it?"

Carolyn hadn't expected an answer; and she wasn't disappointed.

Sighing the doctor was just turning to leave when she noticed the book that Carter had left lay in her haste. "Maybe you should try reading for awhile?" Lam said as she laid the book by Cam's hand on the bed, "Might take your mind off things."

Cam didn't much feel like reading, but he did at least pick up the book after the doctor left.

Opening the book just for the heck of it, Cam was surprised to see the chapter that he opened to was 'Echoes of War & Peace' and the first poem in it was called 'The Hurts of War'. Slowly the colonel began to read it:

_A child stands in silent shock,  
__as shelling rains about Iraq.  
__Tears are streaming down her face,  
__in this ever war like place._

_People dying all around,  
__their cries drown out by the sound.  
__Of the treacherous bombs and guns,  
__shelling raining by the tons._

_It's enough to make you cry,  
__and defiantly ask the question why?  
__A child like this should have to see,  
__or for that matter even be._

_In a place so full of violence,  
__never having any silence.  
__From the wages of a war,  
__that came barging through her door._

_She never even had a choice,  
__or had a reason to rejoice.  
__It's sad to think that she must see,  
__so much hurt and misery._

_She doesn't know the meaning of,  
__a word that we know as love.  
__She's so young and unsure,  
__about the meaning of this war._

_But war has always been an art,  
__since the world first got a start.  
__So many children have lived this way,  
__not just the girl who stands there today._

_If you could see her haunted eyes,  
__or hear the soldiers dying cries.  
__Would you wonder if God exists,  
__or would you blame Him for all of this?_

_But God is not the one to blame,  
__for He did not create sin, sadness, and shame.  
__We ignored His word so grand,  
__and played into the Devil's hand._

_Now we have to pay for our mistakes,  
__but stay strong, no matter what it takes.  
__Believe in God, His word is true,  
__trust in Him, He'll see you through._

Cam just stared at the page when he'd finished reading it, at the bottom was the black and white picture of a small girl, and Mitchell found himself wondering if he'd killed a small girl like in the poem, in that convoy he blew up.

A big 'thank you' to Dr. Lam because, yes, reading had made him feel _so much better_.

The colonel was interrupted from his self-recriminating thoughts by the entrance of Daniel Jackson.

"What are you reading?" Daniel asked conversationally as he took a seat next to the bed.

Cameron dropped the book to the bed without answering, but not before Daniel caught a look at what poem he'd been reading.

Picking up the book the archaeologist paged through it aimlessly as he said, "This is Sam's book isn't it? Yeah, I recognize it. Janet gave it to her years ago, back before…" Daniel cut himself off before he finished the sentence. He'd never forget that tragic day as he and Dr. Frasier knelt over that wounded soldier. One second trying to stabilize the young man, the next watching in horror as Janet was hit by a stray staff blast.

"You alright?"

Daniel looked up, surprised to realize the quiet question had come from Mitchell who was staring at him; a slight look of concern on his face.

"Yeah, yeah, I was just thinking. So how about you? You alright?"

"You were thinking about Mission P…." and Jackson was surprised when Mitchell rattled off the planets alpha-numerical designation off the top of his head like the weather, "the one where Dr. Frasier was killed. Right?"

"Yes, I was." Daniel admitted, still a little surprised at the colonel's insight, "Janet was a good person and a good friend."

"Yeah," Mitchell agreed, "I met her a couple times."

"You did?" Jackson asked surprised.

"Yeah, back when I was first recruited into the F-302 program she came on board the Prometheus to give all us new pilots a complete physical before we went up. Talked about her daughter and how much she'd love to come aboard and see the ship. I told her to bring Cassandra up sometime and I'd give them both the tour."

"Wait! Wait just a minute! That was _you_?" Daniel asked incredulously, "I remember that! We'd been off-world on a mission and didn't get back until several days after the fact, but Janet told us about this new pilot on the Prometheus that took her and Cassie around the ship and even promised to give Cassie a ride in an F-302 when she got older if they could get permission. That was _you_?"

"Guess so."

"Huh, can't believe we never put that together before." Daniel said with a shake of his head.

Silence fell over the two, each contemplating their own thoughts, before Cam finally said, "Daniel…can I ask you a question?"

"Sure." The archaeologist replied curious.

"Why are still talking to me?"

Okay, not a question Daniel was expecting, "I'm not sure what you mean?"

"I mean I've been anything but good company lately and chewed all of you out more than once for absolutely no reason, you especially, and I was just wondering why you're all putting up with it, let alone keep coming back for more."

Jackson's burst of laughter was not the answer Cam had been expecting.

"Are you kidding me?" Daniel asked, "First off, you're wrong, there is a very legitimate reason for how you've been acting, remember? Alien Memory Device Malfunction? Brain chemistry all out of whack? Not fully in control of your moods and emotions at the moment, through no fault of your own? Etcetera, etcetera. And secondly, you of all people should realize some of the crazy stuff the member's of this team has done, Mr. Memorized-Every-Single-SG-1-Mission-Report-Ever-Written."

"What are you talking about?" Cam didn't quite see where Jackson was going with this.

"How about the mission where I got addicted to using a Sarcophagus and nearly let the rest of the team die in those mines? I wasn't exactly a ray of sunshine to be around when we got back. Or the time we all got addicted to that strange light on that one planet and I nearly committed suicide for no reason? How about the time when Teal'c was brain washed by Apophis and turned against us? Then there's the time me, Sam, and Jack all tried those arm band things for the Tok'ra and zatted everyone in the control room and left on an unauthorized mission defying General Hammond's orders? You see where I'm going with this, right?"

"Not exactly."

"What I'm saying Cam, is that all of us have made mistakes and lost control and said and done things that we didn't mean. You're not the first and you won't be the last. We don't hold any of this against you because we've all been there, it's not your fault."

"So you defied General Hammond's orders." Mitchell said after a long pause, "Don't suppose you ever tried to strangle him and attack his daughter, too?"

Daniel could hear the bitter resentment in the colonel's voice, "No not that I remember, but General Landry doesn't hold what happened yesterday against you, and…I'm sure he'll…_forgive_ you…for well, you know. Eventually."

"Yeah, even if he does, how am I supposed to forgive myself?" Cam didn't realize he'd said that out loud until Jackson spoke.

"You forgive yourself because you know it wasn't your fault."

"Not my fault? I could of seriously hurt them or worse! Hell, I'm good at killing innocent people."

"Oh really?" Jackson asked, "You mean because you followed orders, did exactly what the military trained you to do, did your duty, served your country, and some innocent people got killed by accident? Is that what makes you a killer?"

"How the hell do you know about that?" Mitchell demanded to know.

"I don't _know_, not everything at least. But General Landry gave us the cliff notes version. And he said you were just following orders. That it wasn't your fault."

"Wasn't my fault? It was my #?*!ing hand that pulled the trigger! So don't you tell me it wasn't _my fault_!"

"Look you feel guilty, it's got to be hard to live with, I get that, Mitchell, but…"

"Get the hell out of here, Jackson!" Cam yelled.

The raised voices finally brought Dr. Lam running.

"What's going on here?"

"Nothing, _Jackson_, was just leaving." Cam said hotly.

"Dr. Jackson has as much right to be in this infirmary as anyone Colonel." Lam stated unequivocally, then looking at the clock then the colonel's chart she added, "It's time for another dose of pain medicine, Colonel." Carolyn could see the pinched look around his eyes and knew his head had to be killing him, especially after his latest outburst. Lam waved one of her nurses over to get her the prescribed medication and then injected a slightly larger dose than usual into Mitchell's IV port.

It didn't take long until the strong painkiller that Lam prescribed knocked the colonel out, and had Cam sleeping, in what they could only hope would be a dreamless and restful slumber.

Daniel sat beside his sleeping team leader for a while re-hashing their conversation in his head, wondering what he could have said differently. Out of the corner of his eye Daniel noticed a neatly folded slip of white paper beside Cam's bed. With a curiosity that he, nor Jack, had ever been able to cure him of, the archaeologist picked up the paper, unfolded it and begin to read the handwriting that he clearly recognized as Mitchell's.

By the time he finished reading what had been written Daniel barely kept himself from dropping the paper in shock.

Standing quickly Daniel rushed out of the infirmary to find the rest of the team. Said paper clutched tightly in his hands.

TBC

End Note: I don't usually do 'cliff hangers' (if you would call this that) but it just seemed like a good place to end the chapter. Also maybe I took a few liberties in Cam having met Janet and Cassie, but by my recollection he should have joined the program somewhere around two years before she was killed, so personally I figure they could've met.

Again, sorry this chapter wasn't the best, _hopefully_ the next one will turn out better.


	6. General Observations

Part Six: General Observations

For disclaimers and warnings see chapters 1, 2, & 5

Author's Note: So sorry this wasn't updated sooner! It was ready, however, my internet was not. (I live in the stone ages where we can still only get dial-up, and something messed up with their server or something so no one around here had access for a while.) I know, I know, the one time I leave a cliff hangerish end and then I don't update as soon. Blame my ISP!

Well, this chapter isn't the end seeing as my fingers got carried away without my consent again. Hope no one minds.

**Part Six:**

**General Observations **

General Landry was just making his way into the infirmary, when Dr. Jackson nearly bowled him over in his haste to exit the area and continue rushing down the hall without so much as a backwards glance or acknowledgement.

Chuckling to himself Hank idly wondered if Mitchell's temper had finally gotten bad enough to send a seasoned member of SG-1 running for cover.

Noticing the colonel was asleep in his bed in the corner, Landry decided that obviously it was something else that had Jackson in a rush. Knowing the archaeologist it could be anything. Probably just translated some knew alien text or something, judging by the paper he'd been clutching so tightly in his hands.

Landry searched the room for any sign of his daughter, he was almost starting to get concerned. He hadn't heard from neither his daughter nor any of the members of SG-1 so far that day and it was uncanny. Almost as if something was wrong.

"Ah, Carolyn, there you are." He said walking over to where the doctor was overlooking some test results, "How are things going today? I haven't heard anything from you or SG-1 all afternoon."

"Uh, how are things? Things are…good. Yeah, things are going good today."

"Really?" Landry questioned with raised eyebrows, "I can't help but notice that you don't sound entirely sure about that."

Carolyn faltered under that intense stare, the same one that always got the desired confession out of her when she was younger. Sighing the doctor reluctantly explained the morning's events to her father.

Landry's initial reaction was outrage. The general wanted to march over to Mitchell's bed and ring the sleeping man's neck.

Nobody hurt his little girl. Especially not on_ his_ base.

Outrage was followed by concern for his said little, or maybe not so little anymore, girl.

Concern was followed by disbelief. How had it happened? And how come he hadn't been informed _immediately_?

Disbelief was followed by anger. Anger at not being immediately informed, at Teal'c for not intervening the _second_ he became aware of the situation. And anger at about a hundred other things including the world in general.

Anger was followed by blame. First blame directed at Mitchell, then at himself. Maybe he shouldn't have undone Mitchell's restraints the night before; what if the colonel had seriously hurt Carolyn before he realized what he was doing? And that was the kicker, _before he realized_. Mitchell hadn't realized what he was doing, he hadn't had any control over his actions, just the same as the night before.

So blame was followed by indecision. Maybe he should have a 24/7 guard posted on the colonel? But, no, Carolyn refused that idea instantly. A. She said, Mitchell's team had been staying with him every waking minute and intended to continue to do so. B. It would be devastating to her patient's fragile mental state – the man blamed himself enough as it was – and would most likely have the man thinking they'd be sending him to prison the second that they could. C. She was not having a soldier in her way, in her infirmary, for such a trivial matter as that which had taken place that morning. And D. Cam hadn't been in control, but he hadn't been_ that_ out of control. He had managed to stop himself just like before. And most importantly he shouldn't have to be punished, humiliated, and embarrassed anymore than he already had been over something that wasn't his fault.

So indecision was followed by regret. (With still a touch of blame at himself for allowing it to happen.) Regret that what happened on Galar happened in the first place. Regret that Mitchell and his team had to go through this. Regret that there was nothing they could do about it at the moment. Regret that he, General Landry, just like Colonel Mitchell, had no control over the situation.

In the end, instead of going over to where the colonel lay sleeping and ringing the man's neck as had been his original thought, Hank went over and looked sadly at the young man who had been through so much in recent years.

There were a host of bad experiences that could be referenced from his time in the Military before joining the F-302 program – the unfortunate refugee convoy only one of them – then there were the bad experiences that could be referenced since joining the F-302 program – his crash in Antarctica and subsequent painful recovery the worst of them – and now all that had happened since joining SG-1.

First Jack not having told him about the team's dis_member_ment_,_ if you would. Followed by the discovery of the Ori, and the odds they would be fighting against.

Added with being captured, taken prisoner weeks on end with little hope of rescue or escape, and forced to a 'fight to the death' – all on SG-1's first mission after being officially reinstated, mind you. And then, not long after that, getting attacked, being manipulated into confessing to a murder he didn't commit, and having to relive one of the worst memories of his life on top of that to prove his innocence?

Not to mention the alternate reality 'gate malfunction and Mitchell taking himself and his team hostage, so-to-speak.

It was a wonder the man wasn't bonkers for real.

It also attested to the kind of man Cameron Mitchell was. He had a strength of character that few people possessed. A determination that could out due most anyone. And an ironclad will that couldn't be broken.

Hank Landry never had a son – not for lack of wanting one – but if he ever had had a son, he would have wanted him to be just like Mitchell.

The young man's own father must be hellaciously proud. Not that the general would ever tell Mitchell or anyone else that. He had a reputation to protect after all.

Walter's voice calling him to the Control Room over the loudspeaker broke the general from his reverie. Taking one last glance at the restlessly sleeping man before him, Landry turned and made his way out of the infirmary. His daughter falling into step at his side seeing as it was time for the pre-scheduled check-in with Dr. Amuro on Galar.

The two could only hope that the Galaran scientist would have good news for them.

SG1-SG1-SG1-SG1

"We have a problem." Daniel said barging into the lab where Sam was currently staring intently at a computer screen, trying to rewrite a program that someone – miraculously not Dr. Lee – had screwed up. Teal'c entered the room more sedately, the archaeologist having picked him up on the way to the lab.

"What's wrong?" Carter asked eyeing them both curiously, the alarm claxons weren't going off so the base wasn't under attack; which was usually what had people barging through doors in the SGC.

"This is what's wrong." Daniel said waving a piece of paper in the physicist's face.

"Which would be?" Sam asked.

"Here, read it." The crumpled paper was shoved into her hands.

Carter smoothed it out and began reading, noticing that it was Cam's handwriting.

"It's a letter to General Landry." Sam said after only a few lines.

"Keep reading."

"It's apologizing for his recent behavior and attacking him in the hallway." Carter said, after a few more lines, still failing to see what had Daniel so alarmed.

"Oh, it gets better." Jackson said as he paced the room, "Keep reading."

Teal'c stood quietly in the corner, patiently waiting for Sam to finish reading the letter. Knowing that what had his friend so agitated would soon be revealed.

"Oh, my God." Carter said, as she read the rest of the page, "This can't be. I mean, why? There's got to be some mistake."

"The mistake was ever going to that damn planet." Daniel said venomously, in reference to Galar.

"We can't let him do this." Sam stated emphatically.

"No kidding."

"We cannot let whom, do what?" Teal'c asked at last.

"Cam wrote this letter." Carter explained, realizing that the Jaffa had no clue what they were going on about, "It's a request to resign his commission from the Air Force and give up his place on SG-1."

"That cannot be." Teal'c said in a tone that came as close to disbelief as his ever did.

"Oh, it _be_ all right." Jackson was still pacing the small space.

"Has General Landry seen this yet?" Sam asked.

"I doubt anyone else has, I found that by the side of his bed."

"And he let you take it?" Sam was shocked.

"Of course not. Lam's got him knocked out on painkillers."

"Right. So you just took it? He's gonna love that."

"Better that we get a hold of it before he has a chance to ruin his career with it."

"Daniel, you do realize that if this is truly what Cameron wants, we have to let him." Sam asked gently, reluctantly facing the facts.

"I don't think so." Daniel said, "After all the trouble he went through to drag all of us back together, if he thinks we're just gonna let him quit he's got another think a comin'"

"I'm not saying we should let him go without a fight, far from it. I'm just saying we can't force him to stay completely against his will."

"He's giving up." Jackson stated, "It's almost like he's giving up on life."

"So what do we do?" Carter asked.

Instead of answering her, Daniel went straight to the phone on the wall and begin dialing.

"Who you gonna call?" Sam asked.

Daniel paused in his dialing to stare at her, "You do realize how lucky you are that neither Jack nor Cam was here to hear you say that, right?"

Realizing how she'd left herself wide open with that comment Carter got that pained squinty eyed look on her face and said, "Yeah."

"Is not the appropriate response to such a query, 'Ghostbusters'?" Teal'c asked matter-of-factly, startling his teammates.

"You've seen Ghostbusters?" Daniel was dumbfounded.

"Indeed. Many years ago O'Neill and I watched it together. I found it to be one of the most ridiculous films that I have seen on your planet." Pausing Teal'c cocked his head saying more to himself than the others, "I wonder if Colonel Mitchell would care to view it with me? I shall have to ask him."

"_Oooo-kay_." Daniel shared a strange look with Sam; even after all their years together as a team Teal'c still surprised them sometimes.

The archaeologist went back to dialing the phone.

"So, who are you attempting to reach via telephone?" Sam rephrased her question.

"The one person we know that also once gave up on life and managed to come back out of it."

"And that would be?"

"Jack." Daniel said as if they should have both already figured it out, to which he received two confused looks. Sighing Daniel said, "Our first mission to Abydos was meant to be a suicide mission for Jack. He was supposed to stay behind and detonate the bomb after the rest of us came back through. Which he didn't end up having to do because we ended up detonating the bomb in Ra's ship while it was in orbit but that's not the point." The archaeologist was talking a mile a minute like he did whenever he was excited or passionate about something; which was actually quite often, "The point is that Jack left on that mission fully intending to never come back. Granted he'd just lost his son, but anyways, we need to get Jack here to talk with Mitchell. It's not the same thing I know, but still it can't hurt. Jack's helped me find purpose in my life a few times over the years."

Before anything more could be said, the subject of discussion came on the other end of the line with a simple, "Hel-lo."

"Jack, it's Daniel." Not even giving his friend a chance to respond he continued, "You have to come to the SGC. Here's what we need you to do…"

SG1-SG1-SG1-SG1

Dr. Lam stood at the head of the briefing room table surrounded by her father and SG-1 – minus Mitchell who was thankfully still out for the count in the infirmary after his third dose of painkillers, discreetly being watched by Colonel Reynolds, who _may or may not_ have injured his wrist and be waiting for x-rays – and had just finished explaining the device that Dr. Amuro had sent them and the proposed treatment plan that she and the Galaran scientist had come up with.

"Wait, wait, wait." Daniel objected, "You're telling us that the only way to get the stamp, or memory loop, or nightmares, or whatever you want to call it to stop and get Mitchell's brain chemistry and everything straightened out is by using that," he said pointing to the small apparatus that was basically a miniature version of the Galaran's memory device, "to make him relive that same terrible memory, not only _again_, but again and again and again, _every seven hours_ for the _next three days_? You can't be serious."

"Nothing like the Colonel's condition has ever happened during the Galaran's use of the technology." Dr. Lam explained, "Then again no one has ever had the technology used on them on Galar the same way that Mitchell was subjected to it. But basically we want to try and _reset_ his brain in a manner of speaking. Using the right combination of drugs along with the device in a proper sequence, should theoretically work."

"Is there no guarantee?" Teal'c asked solemnly.

"No, there's no guarantee." Lam admitted sadly, "But it's the best option we have open to us."

"You do realize how difficult it was for Cam to relive the memory the first time, right?" Carter asked, "If this doesn't work he'll of had to relive it ten more times for no reason."

"I'm aware of that, Colonel." Carolyn sighed, "But we really don't have a choice, Colonel Mitchell's brain can't handle this stress on his system much longer."

"What are you saying?" Landry asked his daughter, he nor SG-1 liking the doctor's tone.

"I'm saying that if this problem isn't rectified soon, that Colonel Mitchell could very likely suffer permanent brain damage, if not," She paused for a moment before making herself continue, "if not death."

Silence met Lam's shocking statement.

"Do what you have to do." Landry gave the order, though somewhat reluctantly.

"When are you going to start?" Sam asked. The physicist hated the idea of the treatment but she and SG-1would be there to support Mitchell when the time came.

"The sooner the better." Carolyn began, "However, I want to start the Colonel on a different medication before hand, so it will be no sooner than tomorrow evening that we begin. And that brings us to the tricky part."

"Which would be?" Her father asked.

"Which would be getting Colonel Mitchell's agreement to try the procedure."

"While I can sympathize with the man as to why he won't want to, the Colonel doesn't have a choice. I'll order him to cooperate if I have to." General Landry declared.

"Unfortunately ordering him won't work." Lam said, "For this to have any chance to succeed Colonel Mitchell has to do it completely of his own violation. If we try to force him into this without his consent, we could do more harm than good. This treatment is not going to be a walk in the park. It's not simply a matter of hooking him up to the machine every seven hours and done. As hard as it was for him to relive the memory the first time, it's going to get worse with each consecutive treatment. He's going to get worse before he gets better. Each time he has to be hooked up for treatment will be harder than the last. And if he doesn't consent willingly, we could cause permanent brain damage. Nor can we stop once we start. Not without risking causing further problems."

"And you don't think Mitchell will agree." Daniel said, it was a statement not a question.

"To be honest I don't know." Carolyn admitted, "If the Colonel was in his right mind than I would have no doubt that he would risk the treatment willingly, if still somewhat reluctantly. But as it is, you all know as well as I that Colonel Mitchell is far from being himself. Considering his temperament of late…I don't see him being overly receptive to the idea."

Again the briefing room descended into silence as each person was lost to their own thoughts about the disturbing situation.

At last Daniel had the vague notion of an idea take shape – albeit very blurry shape, that still needed lots of details filled in, but shape nonetheless – and he finally asked Dr. Lam, "How difficult or dangerous will the treatment be if Mitchell agrees to it?"

"Providing that Mitchell works with us instead of against us, and that we have no complications in the first or second treatment, it should just be a matter of hooking him up and monitoring everything while the memory plays out. The difficult part will be on Mitchell's shoulders."

"So," the archaeologist continued, "assuming that everything went well the first couple of treatments, how imperative would it be that the procedure be carried out by a medical professional such as yourself?"

SG1-SG1-SG1-SG1

The next day found Cameron arguing with Dr. Lam about the necessity – or in Cam's opinion the lack-there-of – of his remaining in the infirmary any longer.

The doctor was near livid having caught the man trying to escape from the infirmary just minutes before.

Cameron was desperate to get out of the place. Ever since Dr. Lam had detailed the treatment plan using the mini version of the memory device thing the night before, Mitchell knew that he had to get out of there; not just the infirmary but the SGC as well.

The colonel had no intentions of trying the insane procedure – it had been hard enough reliving everything back on Galar, there was _no way_ he could go through it _ten_ more times, at least not and still keep what little sanity that he had left – so he had decided that escape was the only option. Unfortunately his team had taken round-the-clock shifts the rest of the evening and through the night, so he had had no opportunity.

Until he had awoke early to find no one by his bedside. Maybe his team had finally gotten tired of babysitting him, maybe there had been some big emergency, but for once Cam wasn't bothered by such thoughts nor did he care, because it meant he had the chance he needed to disappear.

Until Murphy's Law decided to kick into overdrive and Dr. Lam had caught him before he reached the door.

The argument was starting to get heated when an unexpected voice from the doorway interrupted them.

"Mitchell are you giving the good Doc here a hard time?"

"General O'Neill?" Cam asked surprised, then quickly catching himself the colonel sat up straighter with a respectful, "Sir."

"At ease, Colonel." Then turning to the beautiful but very stubborn doctor, "Dr. Lam I have to agree with Mitchell on this, it's time he was out of the infirmary. At least for awhile." He added at the look of protest Carolyn sent him.

The knowing look in the general's eyes is all that made Lam relent, "Fine, but he's your responsibility."

"Yes, Ma'am." O'Neill said with a half salute as the young woman left the room with an exasperated sigh.

"Sir?" Cam asked, unable to fully comprehend what was going on; he was glad to get out of the infirmary but this didn't make any sense.

"Get changed Mitchell." Jack said throwing a previously unseen bag of clothing on the foot of his bed, before closing the privacy curtain.

Curious and wanting answers, Cam nonetheless did as he was told, as one didn't idly defy a general – at least not someone in their right mind; which admittedly Cam wasn't so sure that he was in his right mind anymore, but still.

After changing into the civvies that Mitchell recognized from his quarters on base, Cam slid off the bed and put his boots on, mindful of his sore feet from where he'd stepped on the plastic shards from the penlight. Walking stung a little but Cam figured he deserved a heck of a lot worse considering what he'd done that was the cause of it.

Stepping out from behind the curtain the colonel made his way over to where General O'Neill was leaned up against the wall talking to Dr. Lam.

They both hushed up suspiciously as he came nearer making Mitchell wonder what the heck was going on.

"Well, Colonel, behave yourself." Lam said, "Now if you two will excuse me I have work to do."

"So you ready to go, Mitchell?" O'Neill asked already walking out of the door and headed down the hallway at a brisk pace.

"Uh, if you don't mind me asking, Sir, where are we going?" Mitchell was almost having trouble keeping up with the older man.

"Out. You know, away, up top, see the sun shining, feel the breeze, get some fresh air. You know, out."

By that time they'd reached one of the elevators and O'Neill had the button pressed and the door opened before Mitchell caught up with him.

"Any place in particular? Sir." Mitchell asked, leaning against the wall trying to catch his breath. The colonel couldn't believe that the short walk through the hallways had him so worn out.

"I've got a place in mind." O'Neill said cryptically.

Soon they got off that elevator and made their way to the one that would take them the rest of the way up to the surface.

"Does General Landry know about this, Sir?" Cam asked.

"Does it matter?" Jack asked him with an air of indifference, "I'm a superior officer and I'm telling you we're going out, what more do you need to know?"

"Nothing, Sir." Then Cam couldn't help but reluctantly ask, "But…are you, uh…sure you want to be alone with me? Sir."

"That's right," The general said snapping his fingers as if he'd just remembered something important that he'd forgotten about, "I hear you've taken to attacking generals. You aren't getting any sudden irresistible urges to choke me are you, Mitchell?" O'Neill gave him a leery look, that was belied by the sparkle in his eyes.

"Uh, no, Sir."

"Well, in that case why should I be worried about being alone with you?" Jack said as if everything made perfect sense.

Despite Dr. Lam's nice painkilling-cocktail Cam still had too much of a headache to argue and merely sighed as he waited for the elevator to stop.

Soon they were out of the Complex and headed across the parking lot to the Standard Government Issue Black Sedan that O'Neill was driving during his stay in Colorado.

"I miss my truck." Jack said quietly, more to himself than to Mitchell as he started the vehicle and drove away from the mountain.

"So, how are things in Washington, Sir?" Cam tried for small talk, hoping to ease the awkward silence.

"Oh, you know, bureaucratic nonsense here, bureaucratic nonsense there, paperwork here, paperwork there…pretty much bored out of my mind."

"With all do respect, Sir, I wouldn't want your job for nothin'" Mitchell sympathized, "Though," he said trying to point out advantages, "I hear you get to play golf with the President. Gotta count for something, right?"

"True, true." Jack said thoughtfully, "Nothing quite like taking money from the good ole' Commander and Chief. Though Hayes can be a mighty sore loser sometimes."

They continued the small talk for a little while as Jack drove to wherever they were going.

Cam was surprised when he awoke to find that he'd fallin' asleep during the drive at some point and that they'd reached their destination.

"Rise an shine, campers." Jack said amused as he watched the sleepy colonel try to clear the cobwebs from his brain, "We're here."

_Campers_ was apparently an accurate description for once as it appeared that they were at some kind of cabin in the woods.

"Uh, Sir," Mitchell asked bewildered, "where are we?"

"A little cabin I own. It's a good place for hunting and fishing trips. Nice, quiet, secluded. A good place to think." Jack answered, but made no move to get out of the vehicle, so neither did Cam.

"Look, Mitchell," O'Neill let out a long sigh and ran a hand through his short, graying, hair, "what I'm about to tell you is highly unorthodox, and pretty much unheard of, so I want you to listen carefully, and really pay attention to what I'm saying. Can you do that?"

"Yes, Sir." Cam answered slowly, his curiosity piqued.

"As soon as we both get out of this car, and continuing until I tell you otherwise…you will not regard me as General O'Neill, nor as a superior officer."

"Uh…excuse me, Sir?"

"You heard me. There will be no, _sir's_, _general's_, or _order's_ for the duration of our stay here."

"_The duration of our…?_ Sir, what the hell are you talking about?" That never-far-from-the-surface temper was on the rise again, fed up with all the guessing and secrecy.

"We're not out of the car yet so I'll thank you to watch your tone, Mitchell. C'mon, lets head inside, I'll explain everything then."

Without giving the colonel time to question him further, Jack O'Neill, was out of the vehicle and walking towards the cabin before Mitchell could get his seatbelt off.

Quickly catching up to the general, the colonel, begin his query again, "Sir, I don't understand…"

"Ah, ah, ah!" Jack turned with his hand held up, "We're out of the car remember? That means that right now I'm either Jack or O'Neill, not,_ sir_. For right now we're just two regular guys. No Air Force. No rank. No nothing. Just us and the great outdoors." Pausing Jack took a deep breath, "Ahhh, ya smell that? You don't get fresh air like this in D.C."

Turning back towards the cabin Jack walked the rest of the way followed by Mitchell and entered the un-locked front door.

"You don't keep this place locked, Sir?" At the warning look O'Neill sent him Cam tried to amend his question, "I mean…" Okay calling the general, Jack or O'Neill either one just felt awkward and disrespectful, "I mean, you don't keep this place locked?" Cam finally opted for just asking the question.

"Well ya know I would, but those pesky bears just kept picking the lock so I gave up." O'Neill said casually.

"Right." Cam shook his head. He must have taken a turn for the worse and be back at the SGC infirmary unconscious or completely delusional, because there was no way that he was in a cabin in the middle of nowhere with General, or _Jack_, talking about lock-picking bears as though everything was completely normal. No. Way.

"Oh, hope you don't mind," O'Neill was talking again, "but I invited some company to stay with us while we're here."

Before Cam could ask what the general was talking about they turned a corner into what appeared to be a living room area and he stopped in his tracks. There before him stood the said company.

"Okay." Mitchell's voice was taking on an edge, "Would _someone_ care to explain to me _what the hell is going on_?"

SG1-SG1-SG1-SG1

Daniel was the unofficial one of the group unanimously elected to explain the situation. "Uh, well ya see, Mitchell, it's like this. We found your resignation letter that you wrote to General Landry…"

"You what?" Cameron asked furious; he'd known the letter had disappeared but had hoped that it had fell to the floor and landed under the bed or that some nurse had mistakenly threw it away thinking it was trash – in which case he would have to re-write it but that was better than the wrong people getting a hold of it. The wrong people being his team.

"You heard me." Daniel continued, "Anyway, we found the letter and we realized that it was time to do something. After all the trouble you went through to get this team back together did you really think we were just going to let you quit?"

"That decision isn't up to you, _Jackson_!" Mitchell advanced on the archaeologist, his temper gaining control.

Suddenly, Teal'c's hand was planted firmly in the irate man's chest, effectively stopping the colonel's forward momentum, "You will listen, Brother."

The use of the familial term along with the stern tone it had been said in caught Cam off guard.

Daniel seized upon the opportunity to continue, "So the deal is that SG-1 is taking a little 'team vacation' for a few days – past and present members – and none of us are leaving this cabin until we get things straightened out."

"You've got to be kidding me! You ain't gonna change my mind no matter how long we stay up here, Jackson, so why don't you just forget it! Besides you really expect me to believe that Dr. Lam's letting me out of her clutches for that long? What about that new #?*!ing memory device treatment she's so determined to try?"

"Yeah, about that." Sam spoke up reluctantly, "You still have to do the treatment Cam. Dr. Lam instructed us how to do it and what medications you're supposed to have. That hasn't changed."

Whether it was from doing too much since being stuck in the infirmary for so long, or the dread that was brought on by the thought of undergoing Lam's prescribed treatment, none of them knew, but Mitchell's body shuddered a couple times and his legs began to buckle. Teal'c grabbed him and eased the colonel gently onto the couch.

"Take it easy, Cam." Carter said as she sat down beside him.

Take it easy? Take it easy? Sam did not just say that. Take it easy knowing you weren't in control of your temper or emotions and didn't know if you ever would be again? Take it easy knowing that your friends were talking about you and planning stuff behind your back, knowing they probably think you're a basket case? Take it easy knowing they were probably right? (About the basket case part.) Take it easy knowing that every time you closed your eyes or tried to sleep you'd get a front row seat to watch the memory of the worst moment of your life play out second by second in full Technicolor detail, only added with a nightmare twist? Take it easy knowing that the only chance – with emphasis on the word _chance_ – that you had to get your brain chemistry and life back to some semblance of normal was to have your mind manipulated yet again – by the same device that caused the whole fiasco in the first place – to relive the same horrible memory over and over every seven hours for the next three days and _hope_ that that would fix the problem? And they were telling him to: Take. It. Easy.?

SG1-SG1-SG1-SG1

Jack O'Neill watched the team try to talk to Mitchell.

When he'd received the phone call from Daniel saying that the colonel was going to try and resign his commission from the Air Force and give up his place on SG-1, well, _shocked_ hadn't fully covered it.

Jack hadn't thought that _quit_ was a word in Mitchell's vocabulary.

Back after the pilot's crash in Antarctica Jack had kept as close of tabs as possible on the young man's recovery.

When the doctor's said that Mitchell might never walk again it had been a low blow to SG-1, knowing that such a devastating injury had been incurred while saving their lives; Earth too of course, still.

But that hadn't stopped Mitchell.

It took a long, arduous year but in the end the pilot had never given up. He'd proved the doctors wrong and went on to join the most dangerous and successful military team in the galaxy.

Therefore it was hard to associate _giving-up_ with such a man.

Jack had heard about the delayed complications Mitchell had suffered from the memory device and had been kept informed by the rest of the team as to how his condition was progressing. Even so nothing had prepared him for the phone call from Daniel that the man was planning to resign.

Jack had been both touched and confused that his longtime friend had thought he would be able to come in and fix it.

But one did not simply _fix_ something like this. And even if one did, Jack was sure that it wouldn't be him that could do it.

That's what one's team was for.

SG-1 had certainly seen him through some dark days in the past.

He would always be part of the team, Jack knew Daniel, Carter, and Teal'c still considered him as such – as was evidenced by their turning to him in this case with Mitchell – just not in the official capacity of before.

Jack O'Neill sorely missed being in that official capacity though. He missed the missions, going through the Stargate – as he'd once told Major John Sheppard, a person would have to be whacked not to want to – he missed being with the team on a daily basis instead of the now-and-then visits that were all could be managed now.

In short O'Neill missed it all. But hard as it was to admit, he wasn't a spring chicken anymore. For the first time in his life Jack had to begrudgingly admit that _maybe_, just _maybe_, Teal'c had had the right idea about what he'd said regarding being a Jaffa and carrying an infant Goa'uld back the very first time they had met.

_Maybe_.

Jack still hadn't fully decided if carrying an evil-alien-snake-hell-bent-on-intergalactic-domination around in your gut was worth the proverbial fountain-of-youth.

But some days as he read through SG-1's mission reports it did seem tempting; especially now that they had tretonin. Made him briefly wonder every now and then if he wouldn't have been better off had ole' Doc Frasier, bless her soul, hadn't acted so quickly and cured him back years ago when Hathor had tried to turn him into a Jaffa. Such thoughts never lasted long, but some days when he became particularly nostalgic from reading one too many mission reports, well…who wouldn't wonder?

Jack had never thought he'd see the day when he would _actually_ look _forward_ to reading Carter's and Daniel's reports; he also never truly thought he'd live this long if he were honest with himself. The kind of work he was in with Special Forces and doing Black Ops all over the world even before he found out that this world wasn't the _only_ world, then everything that had happened through the Stargate Program. Yeah, of all the enemies that Jack O'Neill had fought or anticipated he'd one day fight, old age had never been one of them.

If the general was entirely honest with himself – which for the moment he could afford to be – this whole little 'team vacation' he had planned with the others wasn't just for Mitchell's benefit. Primarily yes, but not _entirely_. And in truth, all of SG-1 could use it. So really it was for everyone's benefit. Not just Mitchell's. And not just his.

Now they just had to hope that in the privacy of the small cabin, away from prying eyes at the SGC, that Mitchell could be convinced to try the treatment. And if so, that the treatment would actually work.

TBC

End Note: THANK YOU so much to everyone who has kindly taken the time to review! Words can't express how much I appreciate it! Though this story has went on MUCH, further than I ever intended for it to, I can already tell that I'm going to miss it and you guys when it's finally done. (You all make it worth having to stay up til 3AM to write every night!)

_Hopefully_ everything is still making sense and sounding at least somewhat realistic (by scifi standards anyway?) and not getting too boring yet.

FYI – I know several of you have this story on your alert subscription, so I know that it e-mails when I post a new chapter, but I don't know if it notifies you if I edit a chapter. If I get time in the next couple days I'm going to fix a few mistakes I found in previous chapters (assuming I can figure out how) and I just wanted to let you know, in case it notifies you, that I haven't changed the content.


	7. 7: Bonding & Bearing Pt I

Part Seven: Bonding & Bearing

Author's Note: I AM SO SORRY! To anyone who might actually still be reading this story you have my sincerest apologies for the long delay in updating. There have been some serious family issues that came up (a byproduct of coming from a large family) as well as some other things that I had no control over. I won't bore you with the details but you do have my apologies. In an effort to update sooner I am publishing Chapter 7 in two parts. Which only matters to anyone who hasn't given up on the story and will still be reading this.

**Part Seven:**

**Bonding & Bearing**

**Part I**

Cam laid awake half the night staring at the bright full moon out of his small bedrooms window.

Living underground or in the city as much as he did, sometimes Cameron forgot how breathtaking the night sky could be when out in the country. Though even this was nothing compared to the undiluted blackness and beauty of flying an F-302 through outer space with nothing between you and the vastness but a thin piece of glass. No feeling in the world could match it.

And yet, as relaxing as all that was the Air Force Colonel could find no comfort from nature's beauty this night.

SG-1 had spent the rest of the evening trying to convince him to agree to try Lam's treatment.

He'd agreed to give it some serious thought and now had until morning to decide upon his answer.

Every fiber inside his being wanted to adamantly insist that that answer was a big fat NO!

But yet, as horrible as this supposed cure sounded; was it really any worse than spending the rest of your life being afraid to go to sleep at night for fear of the haunting dreams you'd suffer? Then again, Cam had suffered from nightmares long before he'd went to Galar. But still these nightmares he suffered from right now weren't normal and he knew it. But nightmares aside, could he spend the rest of his life wondering who or what would set his frustratingly fragile temper off? Could he spend the rest of his life having to worry about hurting his friends because he couldn't control himself?

His thoughts of resigning from the Air Force hadn't changed, but at this point Mitchell wasn't seeing many options regarding the torture Lam called treatment.

Even though all he wanted to do right then was simply run away. As far away as possible. Teal'c sleeping in the bed next to his –between Cam's bed and the door – was all that was really stopping him.

Come morning Cam knew what he had to do.

SG1-SG1-SG1-SG1

The next morning found a tense group sitting at the breakfast table in the small cabin's kitchen, as Sam, Daniel, Teal'c, and Jack all waited for Cameron to join them. The tension came from the uncertainty about what Mitchell's decision would be.

Would Mitchell agree to try the treatment? Or in his mood-altered state would the colonel refuse to see the rational side of things?

The topic of their tension slowly shuffled into the room. There was a stiffness to his movements and the raccoon-eyes loudly attested the colonel's continued lack of sleep.

Teal'c knew better than any of them just what kind of night the younger man had had, as the Jaffa had been awoken more than once by the thrashing nightmares that Cam was suffering from. Not that the Jaffa would mention it. Though from Mitchell's studious avoidance in meeting his eyes, Teal'c figured Cameron already knew that. However, that was no reason to confirm his suspicions nor add more embarrassment by mentioning anything in front of the others.

Good morning's, were exchanged all around as Cam sat down at the table and Daniel passed him a pan of biscuits and gravy. The others were all half through there own plates and Teal'c was just starting on seconds.

Cam was sullenly quiet as the others all carried on casual conversation around the table. He knew that the effort for normalcy was for his sake, and the colonel couldn't decide if he was grateful or angry. So he sat eating his breakfast in silence and tried to feel nothing at all.

One by one they all finished eating – though none of them could help but notice that Mitchell's plate was still half full when he pushed it away – and all knew it was time for the dreaded million dollar question. And the even more dreaded billion dollar answer.

Silence reigned over the group as no one could bring themselves to speak.

How long they sat there in the small kitchen, the morning sunlight streaming through the window and the soft sounds of undisturbed nature wafting in on the cool breeze, none of them knew. They would have probably stayed that way the rest of the day had Cam not finally cleared his throat a couple times, trying to convince his reluctant vocal chords to say what had to be said, "So…" Another garbled noise escaped the tight confines of his throat, "…uhh… how we gonna…you know…do…this?"

Hope shone like a beacon on SG-1's faces.

"Do you mean the treatment?" Sam asked carefully.

After a long delay, a tight nod was her answer, as Cam didn't trust himself to speak again.

"Are you agreeing to try it?" Daniel asked.

Another short, jerky nod was the answer.

"Dr. Lam has been on standby, waiting to come out here to the cabin, in the event that you agreed. She'll bring the necessary equipment and perform the first two treatments. Assuming that there are no complications she'll leave us to carry out the rest as per her instructions, remaining available to come back out should anything come up." Carter answered quietly, "Does this mean that we can give her a call?"

Slowly Cam looked up from his intense observation of the kitchen floor, the barely concealed fear in his eyes shocked the others, though they hid it well, and finally one more silent nod was their affirmation.

Jack stood up and went into the other room to call Dr. Lam before Cam could change his mind, leaving Mitchell's team to reassure the younger man.

"You will not bear this burden alone, Colonel Mitchell." Teal'c stated, "We will help you in this task."

Cameron tried to give the Jaffa a grateful look but it fell somewhat flat – which could've been due in part to the fact that Cam knew that the help Teal'c was most likely to be giving would probably come in the form of physically restraining him or keeping him from escaping when the treatments became too much. Not a pleasant nor altogether reassuring prospect.

There was a small patio at the back of the cabin, a small log bench on the side of it overlooking the dense forest beyond had Cam for company as SG-1 awaited the arrival of Dr. Lam.

The others kept a discreet eye on the colonel making sure he didn't get the sudden urge to disappear on them. Under ordinary circumstances such a matter of trust would not have been in question and the watch would have been unnecessary. But things were far from ordinary.

What seemed like an eternity later, Carolyn Lam finally appeared on the doorstep bearing cases of medical equipment.

"So how's my patient?" She asked, as Jack helped her carry her stuff into the cabin.

"Sullen, silent, irritable, nervous, afraid, still having nightmares, looks like a stiff breeze could knock him over, and is making all the raccoons around here jealous with those black eyes of his; so all in all I'd say… about the same." O'Neill said, tying to use humor to hide how worried he and the rest of SG-1 were.

Carolyn set up shop in the small cabin's equivalent of a living room, placing various monitors around the couch, before opening the large black case that held the small silver device that Dr. Amuro had sent her. The miniature memory device.

"So, where_ is_ my patient?" Lam asked after she had everything ready and still had yet to see any sign of the recalcitrant colonel.

Daniel volunteered to go find him but Sam said she'd go tell him it was time.

Stepping out onto the small patio Carter found it hard to disturb Cam as he was sitting on the bench his head leaned back resting against the cabin's wall staring up into the sky as though all the mysteries of life could be solved up in the clouds. But then, for a pilot, maybe they could. The mysteries of their own life at least. Sam loved to fly, but she was also perfectly content in her lab researching her latest project or theory. However, for a die hard pilot like Mitchell or O'Neill, flying was all but everything.

Sam knew that Cam loved being a member of SG-1, but she also knew that he loved flying F-302's and that he'd only been in the cockpit of one once since his crash in Antarctica. Maybe she should talk to O'Neill about arranging another little spin around the planet in one for Mitchell as soon as he was well again. Assuming the treatment worked and they could also talk him out of resigning.

"What's on your mind, Sam?" Mitchell's question broke Carter out of her reverie.

"Oh, I was just coming to tell you that…Dr. Lam is ready for you."

Slowly the colonel drug himself to his feet and made a sweeping motion towards the door – the age old gesture for _ladies first_ – and with a poor excuse for a grin, said, "Let the torture begin."

SG1-SG1-SG1-SG1

And so it did.

The first treatment was as bad as expected if not worse; as Cam sat on the couch in front of the fireplace hooked up to various monitor's and the damned memory machine.

The others had stood by watching the involuntary twitching of his eyelids and the tensing of muscles as the heart-monitor increased in tempo while the long buried memory replayed itself in vivid Technicolor clarity.

Just like the first time back on Galar, Cam had sat up with a strangled gasp as the device finished the memory replay.

Dr. Lam had checked over the results as the colonel tried to blink away the moisture that had pooled in his eyes without his consent.

Over the next seven hours Cameron barely spoke and refused all attempts to be drawn into conversation.

The second treatment, it had been all that Mitchell could do to bring himself back into the living room, sit down on the couch, and compliantly allow Dr. Lam to hook him up to the device once again.

By the time the second round was over, Cam's hands were shaking and he couldn't get out of the room and away from the others fast enough.

On the bright side – if you could call it that – the treatments were going to Lam's satisfaction, and so, after instructing the others yet again on how to use everything, what to watch for, and when and which medications to administer, Carolyn reluctantly took her leave.

It went against all of her doctors instincts to leave the care of her patient to anyone else, but at the same time she understood – at least to some degree – O'Neill's argument for this particular treatment to be left to the team.

Before her position at the SGC, Carolyn had never fathomed that anyone outside of a close family could be so tight-knit. But now she had witnessed first hand the cohesive bond built between a group of people whose lives depended on each other on a daily basis.

She was also realizing that such things could sometimes take precedence over family. A small part of her was beginning to see her father in a very different light.

So it was with her new found realizations that Lam had relented to Daniel's and O'Neill's persuasions. Besides, the treatments were pretty straight forward and she'd only be a phone call away should complications arise. Not to mention she was leaving her patient in the best hands imaginable. These people were responsible for saving not only the planet but the whole galaxy on multiple occasions; they should be more than capable of taking care of their team leader for a few days.

SG1-SG1-SG1-SG1

Jack O'Neill sat perched on his heels next to the metal fire ring as he attempted to light the wood cradled inside. Camping was never complete without a weenie roast and marshmallows. Never let it be said that Jack O'Neill didn't know how to camp or that he didn't come prepared.

He'd brought enough hot dogs and marshmallows to feed an army.

Some would laugh and say he had been overly excessive. But only someone who had never seen Teal'c eat.

If they didn't need Teal'c for the whole saving the world routine, Jack would seriously consider putting the Jaffa into a competitive eating career. Jack figured between the winnings plus bets that they could both come out rich men and Teal'c would be happy as pie…or happy eating pie – whichever.

But until the Ori were defeated, politics no longer had a thousand different agendas per initiative, and they could get everyone in the galaxy eating that proverbial rainbow stew, they needed Teal'c on the frontlines not the food-lines. Oh well, a man could dream.

Finally getting the kindling to burn O'Neill sat back to survey his handiwork. His eyes strayed to where Mitchell sat dejected on the log bench along the cabin wall.

Jack had heard the others describe Mitchell's first time reliving the memory on Galar, but witnessing it twice already today made him realize just how truly difficult it must be for Mitchell.

O'Neill had his own fair share of unpleasant experiences with alien memory technology. Most relatable was that time on planet what'cha'ma'call'it when he had been forced to relive that mission gone wrong with Teal'c along for the ride. Bad as that experience was, from what O'Neill understood, what Mitchell was going through was even worse. Jack had relived the memory in the now, Mitchell was reliving his memory in the then; re-experiencing all the feelings and emotions as though it were the first time. Jack couldn't imagine vividly remembering the Technicolor shock and horror of Charlie's death in such a way without going completely insane, totally nuts, a lot crazy, being a few (hundred) fries short of a happy meal, and absolutely whacko! That memory would never stop haunting him, but at least he kept it on a bearable level…thanks in very large part to his team. Without them he'd have been in padded walls or six feet under _long _ago.

Hopefully a little campfire supper and camaraderie would help lighten Mitchell's mood. Though O'Neill doubted it. Not knowing that his next treatment – and Jack used the term loosely – was a few short hours away.

Cam's mood was progressively degrading to the point that the team was lucky to get a one word response out of him.

Sam and Daniel came walking up to the fire, their arms loaded down with the food they would soon be roasting over the open flame. Teal'c had been nominated for the unlucky task of coercing Cam down to the campfire.

A task none of them envied him.

Teal'c approached the bench and looked down at the solemn form of his friend, "Shall we join the others Colonel Mitchell?"

No response. Cam just continued staring unseeingly out into the woods that surrounded the cabin.

"I believe the others are awaiting our presence." The Jaffa tried again.

"You go ahead Teal'c." Cam said tightly, barely able to push the words out of his mouth.

Mitchell felt like he was being pulled apart by a million G forces and that the slightest movement or lapse in attention would break the thin flimsy thread that was barely holding him together. Cam was afraid that if it broke – eat your heart out Humpty Dumpty – he'd never be able to find all the pieces to put himself back together again.

Sensing his friend's inner turmoil Teal'c decided to give the colonel the space he so greatly desired. Laying a reassuring hand on Mitchell's shoulder, he said, "As you wish. We would greatly appreciate your company should you decide to join us."

The others watched as Teal'c approached. "Aren't you forgetting something, or should I say somebody?" O'Neill asked.

"Colonel Mitchell does not wish to join us at this time."

"Oh he doesn't does he? Well that's just too damn bad." Jack said as he stood up, despite the forceful words there was no anger in his tone. Telling the others to start roasting their food Jack then headed up to the cabin. Silently he took a seat on the bench next to Mitchell.

The silence dragged on, neither acknowledging the others presence.

"Most people," O'Neill started after awhile, "would consider being promoted to General the best thing that ever happened to them. The highlight of their career." Jack paused for a long moment before continuing, "But for me, it was one of the hardest things I've ever done."

Though Cam had given no outward indication, Jack could tell he had the man's full attention.

"Because being promoted to General, no matter how unexpected, unbelievable, and utterly cool that sounded, meant leaving the team. It meant giving up the closest thing to a family as I've had in longer than I care to remember. I even let them operate in an undermanned capacity, which was dangerous and stupid of me, all because I couldn't bear to put somebody else in my family to take my place. Nor did I trust anyone else, no matter how decorated, to protect my family. And believe me did I get requests. About everyone who'd ever heard of the Stargate Program lined up wanting to join SG-1. But I never gave any of them the time of day." Another long pause ensued in which an owl hooted and a distant coyote howled, and then Jack continued, "Then…you came along. Requesting to join SG-1. You who'd already gotten yourself about killed pulling our bacon out of the fire. You who'd proved the entire medical profession wrong when you pushed until you could walk again. You who'd proved that you never gave up. You were the last in a long line who'd made that request but you were the first one that I realized could handle it. You were the first person who I felt safe giving my family to. I knew I could trust you to bring them all back home after a mission. But by the time you'd requested the position SG-1 had already disbanded – which was just wrong on so many levels – however I knew you were just the man to bring them back together. And I was right too."

A short bark of derisive laughter was the first response O'Neill got out of Mitchell, "Yeah you did a fine job pickin' _me_. I've done a bang up job so far."

"From what I understand, you saved both yours and Teal'c's lives by figuring out that Ancient puzzle of Merlin's in that cave on the very first unofficial mission you all ever went on."

"Wow," Cam said sarcastically, "that was really somethin', a true feat of heroics."

"You were trapped in a chamber with the ceiling trying to crush you and managed to solve a puzzle created by one of the smartest Ancients who ever lived, that also just happened to be written in a language that you couldn't read. That's not nothing." O'Neill stated firmly.

"The first mission you lead the team on you freed an entire prison full of people doomed to die, and convinced Teal'c to turn on Apophis, bringing him over to our side, which was the most valuable asset that Earth ever acquired from the Stargate Program." Mitchell pointed out.

"I'll agree with you about Teal'c being the best thing that ever came out of the Stargate Program, but as for that glowing review of our first mission, you're forgetting a few important details. Like the fact that I let us get captured and imprisoned in the first place, that I let Skara get taken and implanted with a Goa'uld, and then let Apophis escape with both Shar're and Skara, and didn't do a damn thing to stop any of it." O'Neill said, a bitter edge creeping into his voice toward the end of his statement, "That glow gets a little dimmer when you add in all the details."

"Regardless," Cam stated, "You and SG-1 have saved the world multiple times over, you've acquired technology to build giant space ships – which was in large part due to you winning over Thor and the Asgard – you defeated the Goa'uld AND the Replicators, freed the Jaffa, helped the Tok'ra on numerous occasions, discovered the outpost in Antarctica, saved Earth from Anubis, saved entire planets from extinction or one thing or another, saved the galaxy…"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Just hang on a sec." O'Neill raised his hands, "As great as all that sounds, your list of my accomplishments is a little bit different from how mine goes. Sure we've saved the world several times, sure we defeated the Goa'uld, sure we defeated the Replicators, sure we got a bunch of cool technology and doo-hickys to play with, etcetera, etcetera, yatta, yatta. But you're forgetting the rest of the stuff that happened along the way."

"Like what?" Cam asked sarcastically.

"Like how many times members of the team got hurt, captured, and nearly killed. Like the fact that more than once when we saved Earth it was from some damn thing or enemy that we brought back through the 'gate with us. Like the fact that I left Major Boyd's team behind on that damn planet with the black hole and didn't do a damn thing to save them. Or how about the dozens of times I let us get captured and we only escaped by some fluke of luck? How about the mission that I led that got Dr. Frasier – may she rest in peace – killed? Or my personal least favorite…the time I let Daniel die?" O'Neill's voice cracked as he said the last.

His feelings regarding his failures was not a subject Jack talked about – ever. A goofy smile and flippant remark was his choice of arsenal when things got too serious for comfort. What went on in Jack O'Neill's Abdullah-oblongata, stayed in Jack O'Neill's Abdullah-oblongata – or something like that. But Mitchell's sanity and SG-1's safety were in the balance…so if baring his soul and admitting his mistakes was what it took to get the man to stop second guessing himself, then so be it. He couldn't very well let the colonel continue to go around thinking that General Jack O'Neill was perfect now could he? Ah, heck, who was he kidding? Of course he could – thoughts to the contrary had so just came from the little miniature Daniel standing on his shoulder. But as usual Daniel was right, even when he wasn't _actually_ there and was just a figment of Jack's subconscious imagination. Mitchell needed to realize that he and O'Neill had more in common than their leadership of SG-1.

Cam sat quiet, shocked silent by O'Neill's guilty tirade. While he had always looked at O'Neill's successes, it was abundantly clear that the general dwelled mostly on what he perceived as his failures. But hell, the man was leading missions to other planets – other galaxies even – while most of the world was ignorant to the fact that extraterrestrials existed, let alone were hell bent on dominating the world. The man had practically written the book when it came to 'gate travel. (Except for the really technical parts that he left for Carter, and the really culturey parts that he left up to Daniel, and the Jaffa jargon that he left for Teal'c to fill in.) How could he blame himself for a few mistakes along the way? It wasn't O'Neill's fault that those things had happened, just bad timing, bad luck, and, as cliché as it sounded, being in the wrong place at the wrong time. Yet, somehow, even as Cameron sat there defending O'Neill's mistakes in his head, it never really occurred to him that much of the same could be said for himself. That everything that had happened wasn't really his fault.

So the two Air Force Pilots sat silently together on the bench, each musing their own thoughts, as they watched the team they'd both fought to protect sat down by the fire roasting hotdogs and marshmallows.

Continued in Part II

End Note: I wrote this in several pieces and bridged them all together in a rush. Hopefully it made sense. If you read it I would love to hear from you!


	8. Chapter 7: Bonding & Bearing Pt II

**Chapter Seven **

**Part II**

**Authors Note**: I cannot believe that I started posting this over a year ago. It was only supposed to be two chapters, I never imagined it would get this big or take this long to get it finished. I could bore you with the many details of everything that has gone on in real life that caused such delays to this story, but instead of torturing you I think I'll just apologize profusely.

This is a short chapter but I wanted to go ahead and get it up while I work on the next part.

If any of you kind readers that have been following this story are still out there and reading this, I thank you.

FYI: No animals were hurt during the writing of this chapter.

**Warning**: This chapter has a couple slightly darker aspects than some of the previous ones. If you are easily upset than please read at your own risk.

...

The sparkling water gracefully flowed by in the narrow creek that cut through the woods as the first rays of sunlight penetrated the thick canopy of leaves overhead. The peaceful surroundings a stark contrast to the lone figure standing by the waters edge, clutching a loaded Nine Mil in his sweaty, trembling palm.

Unshed tears filled the desperate, haunted eyes. Tears of pain, fear, hatred, despair, remorse, but most of all, guilt. Guilt over everything he had done, guilt over what he was about to do…what he didn't _want_ to do. But in the jumbled mess that was his mind, he could think of nothing else he _could_ do. This had to be done, to stop the pain and the guilt and the confusion, but most of all it had to be done to make things right. To appease the bloodthirsty ghosts that haunted him, this was the only way to make their screams stop echoing inside his head. This was the only way to stop seeing their sightless eyes and featureless faces. This was the only way to make sure he never hurt another innocent person again. This was the only way to end the nightmare.

Slowly the silent figure flicked the safety off and lifted the gun…

SG1-SG1-SG1-SG1

Jack O' Neill slowly pulled his old bones out of his comfortable bed. It had been a long night and the general wasn't as young as he used to be.

He had finally coerced Cameron down to the camp fire last night but despite his and the team's best efforts, Mitchell had remained distant and aloof. The sad thing was that they all knew Cam was actually trying to be good company and have a good time with them, but was simply incapable of it.

Not for the first time the team had all silently cursed the Galaran Memory Device and what it had done to the young colonel who'd been through so much already.

Shaking himself out of such dismal thoughts Jack changed into a comfortable pair of jeans and a t-shirt – so much better than the dang dress blues he had to constantly wear in his job at the Pentagon – and made his way out to the cabins small kitchen where he found Carter sipping a cup of coffee. It looked as though the brilliant scientist hadn't been up all that long herself.

"So what are the rest of the kiddos doing this fine morning?" He asked with a smile as he poured himself a cup of coffee and sat down across from Sam.

"Daniel and Teal'c left just before daylight to pick some of those wild blackberries that you said grew down on the other side of the creek. Cameron was still sleeping when they left."

"Just how long have you been up?" Jack asked, he'd been sure she hadn't beat him by _that_ much.

"Not long," Carter said with a smile, "Daniel left a note on the coffee pot."

"Ah." Jack nodded in understanding, that explained it. Even though 99.9 percent of the time it seemed like Carter literally knew everything, it was nice to know there was a point one percent of the time that she wasn't completely clairvoyant.

Silence between them drew on for a few moments, small talk had always been slightly awkward for them. Neither ever knowing quite what to say. During a mission? Sure, no problem. In the lab? Carter could ramble on about her latest research and Jack could throw in his little quips pretending to be dumber than he was and getting a small smile out of Sam. On base, on a mission, or on another planet, talking was never a problem for the two. But sitting alone together in Jack's cabin in the middle of nowhere, years worth of words unsaid and conversations never had hanging between them…yeah, small talk was awkward.

"So," Jack said, clearing his throat, "how is Mitchell this morning?"

"I don't know, I haven't checked on him for fear I'd wake him. Cam needs all the sleep he can get. Besides, it's only another two hours until his next treatment. The longer he sleeps the less he can worry about it."

"Right as usual Carter." Jack stated matter-of-factly, silently pleased with the smile his words put on the beautiful scientist's face.

They talked for a few minutes, about missions, the team, projects, working at the Pentagon, but as they sat talking about everything and nothing all at the same time, O'Neill couldn't help but notice the gnawing feeling in his gut that was telling him something was wrong. But as to _what_ exactly was wrong, he couldn't figure out.

Finally deciding to check on Mitchell just to put his mind at ease, Jack made his way to the door of the small bedroom that Teal'c and Cameron were sharing and quietly peaked inside. The gnawing feeling in his gut intensified as his eyes fell on the empty bed.

"Carter!" He hollered, "Mitchell's gone!"

"What?" Sam exclaimed, as she jumped up from the table, nearly spilling her coffee in the process, and ignoring her own rule about not having the word in her vocabulary, said, "That's impossible!"

"Apparently not!" Jack countered, sharper than he'd intended, "Head down and get Daniel and Teal'c, then start searching. The vehicles," Jack continued as he quickly glanced out the front window, "are still here so that means he's on foot. He can't have gotten far."

Without wasting time on talking, Sam simply nodded her head and was out the door at a run. Jack was right behind her, but turned back at the last second.

The cold feeling of dread that had taken up residence in his stomach intensified as a new thought occurred to him. Quickly making his way to the fireplace in the living room, Jack reached for the large ornate box that sat atop the mantel. With a dry mouth he opened it and lifted the false bottom to reveal the hidden compartment below.

For a moment O'Neill's heart stopped and the world stood still as Jack stared at the empty space where his Nine Mil handgun should have been.

SG1-SG1-SG1-SG1

Teal'c and Daniel had both been enjoying the peaceful morning as they picked the delicious wild blackberries. The idea had been to pick some for everybody to eat for breakfast or lunch, but far more berries had been ending up in mouths rather than buckets.

"It's kind of nice to be able to relax in the woods for a change." Daniel spoke up out of the blue, as the archaeologist was wont to do, "I mean usually if we're picking wild berries it's because we're trapped off-world with bad guys chasing us and have a limited food supply."

"Indeed." Teal'c agreed.

"I mean it's nice to, for once, just be picking wild fruit because we want to and not have to worry about what dangers are lurking around the corner."

No more than the words were out of his mouth there was a loud cracking sound as something moved through the woods just behind them. Daniel only had a moment to regret his statement and curse Murphy's Law before a loud menacing growl made him and Teal'c both freeze as they saw the large bear emerge out of the bushes from the corner of their eyes.

Both stood perfectly still scarcely daring to breathe. Neither had any weapons on them, as neither thought they would need them. They were unarmed in the middle of nowhere with no way to call for help. Sometimes it really sucked being part of SG-1, having both the best and worst luck of any gate-team at the SGC. You couldn't even pick some berries without running into trouble.

The bear watched the two for but a moment until, with an ear shattering roar, it lunged at them.

SG1-SG1-SG1-SG1

Cameron Mitchell stared down the barrel of the gun in his hand, preparing to pull the trigger, when suddenly the peaceful morning air was split by an unholy roar.

Cam's finger froze midway in depressing the trigger as he heard Teal'c and Daniel's voices yelling in the distance just up-stream from him. Without a second thought the colonel lowered the gun and took out running in the direction of the commotion. Instinct took over as he jumped, ducked, and weaved through the tangling brush, low limbs, and tree roots, with a speed that would've surprised even himself had he taken the time to notice.

When he finally reached the area, he stopped short to take a brief look trying to determine the best approach. The scene before Mitchell would have been comical had it not been so life threatening.

Before him was Teal'c and Daniel both hold up in a small tree that was already bending under their combined weight. A fact that wasn't helped by the 800-something pound bear that was attempting to claw its way up after them.

Cam's reverie was broken by the loud snapping sound as the branch supporting most of Teal'c's weight finally gave way under the combined strain, dropping the large Jaffa like a stone.

Teal'c was fast as he quickly regained his footing, but the bear was faster and would be on the warrior in seconds.

Knowing that the small handgun would probably be about as effective as using a BB gun on Godzilla, Cam nonetheless did the only thing he could and opened fire.

As far as distractions went, it worked great, the bear's full attention shifted from Teal'c and Daniel to the thing that was shooting at it. As far as plans went, it really sucked, because now the bear was charging at the thing that was shooting at it.

With no time to react – and little to no self preservation left anyways – Mitchell stood his ground and continued emptying the clip into the massive blur of fur.

The bullets did little to slow the bear down and the impact sent Cam crashing to the forest floor as the gun was knocked out of his hand.

With reactions honed from years of combat training Mitchell grasped a piece of fallen limb and brought it up in front of his face just in time for the bear to sink it's vicious teeth into the hard wood instead of the colonel's soft flesh.

Somewhere in the back of his mind he registered the fact that Daniel and Teal'c were yelling as they scrambled for a way to help him, and Cam heard a loud, "Oh my God!", as Sam appeared out of nowhere and witnessed the terrible scene before her.

Time seemed to stand still as the surreal situation took place.

Everyone knew with a gut wrenching certainty that the bear would end up killing Mitchell before they could stop it. But that wouldn't stop them from trying. As one the other members of SG-1 surged forward, heedless of the danger to themselves, as they rushed to try and save their team leader.

"Everybody DOWN!" The order had them all reacting on instinct, dropping to the ground without a seconds hesitation just as the loud retort of a high powered gun was heard, followed in close succession by a second and third as the bullets slammed into their target, knocking the bear to the side away from Mitchell. The massive creature stumbled a few yards away before falling to the ground as the death rattle could be heard in its chest.

Looking up everyone saw O'Neill standing before them with a large hunting rifle held in his hands.

"Good timing." Daniel said with a relieved sigh, as he and Sam quickly made their way to where Teal'c knelt at Mitchell's side.

"How badly are you injured Colonel Mitchell?" Teal'c asked in a tone that came as close to alarmed as his ever did.

Looking at Mitchell it was no wonder why. The colonel lay in a pool of blood that was slowly soaking into the forest floor. His clothes were also saturated, staining his once gray t-shirt into bright crimson.

"Oh my God." Sam was repeating herself but no one called the brilliant astrophysicist on it as they all took in the bloody sight.

"I'm fine." Cam panted breathlessly, as he slowly tried to push himself up to a sitting position.

"No Cam, stay down!"

"You're not fine!"

"You must remain still Colonel Mitchell!"

Carter, Jackson, and Teal'c all exclaimed simultaneously as they all reached to keep Mitchell still.

"Cam you're in shock, you've lost a lot of blood, you need to stay calm and lay still…" Carter trailed off as the wounded colonel began to laugh. It was the first genuine laugh that the team had heard from the colonel in what seemed like forever – it was one of the most wonderful and welcome sounds any of them had heard in a long time. The laugh quickly turned into a groan but Cameron forced himself to speak despite the pain, "It's not… my blood, Sam. It's…the bear's." His breath hitched as he finished his statement, after a moment he added, "Well, at least…most of it."

Looking at the trail of blood leading away from where Mitchell lay, over to where the enormous creature had dropped, the others realized that Cam was most likely right. Relieved smiles broke out on all of their faces. "Well, that's certainly good to hear." Jackson stated for them all.

"Now will you let me up?" Cameron asked with a hint of fond exasperation. It was strange, but even though he'd just been half-mauled by a bear, Cam was in better spirits than he had been in quite some time.

"Are you sure you are not injured Colonel Mitchell?" Teal'c asked, still wearing a look of concern. The Jaffa found it difficult to believe that Mitchell had come out of the attack completely unscathed. Teal'c couldn't help but feel guilty knowing that the Colonel had been injured largely due to the fact that he was trying to save him after he fell from the tree.

"I'm fine, Big Guy." Cam stated, as he sat up, only to belie his own words as he let out a sharp gasp, wrapping an arm tight around his side.

His back was alternating between throbbing and aching fiercely from where he'd been slammed into the ground and his ribs were bruised, if not cracked or broken, from where the bear had tackled him. But his side…Cam's side is where the fire was.

Teal'c steadied him as Carter gently but firmly pried his arm away and lifted his shirt to reveal some very long, very painful looking claw marks scraping across his left side. It wasn't bleeding at a life threatening pace but Mitchell's side was covered in warm tacky blood and was cause for concern.

Daniel quickly took off his long sleeve over-shirt and helped Sam wrap it tightly around Cam's midsection, tying the sleeves together for pressure on the makeshift bandage.

"We need to get Dr. Lam back up here." Carter stated.

"Definitely." Daniel agreed, "Jack, how quick can you get Lam here?"

When there was no response to the archaeologist's question the four members of SG-1 all looked up realizing for the first time that O'Neill hadn't spoken since he'd ordered them down when he'd shot the bear.

They were all surprised to see the usually happy-go-lucky Air Force Officer standing but a few feet away staring at Mitchell with a stony, unreadable expression that bordered on hostile. The Nine Mil that the colonel had used to shoot the bear clutched tightly in the general's hand.

"Jack?" Daniel asked worried, "What's wrong?"

Silence.

"Jack?" Daniel repeated when no response was forthcoming, "Jack! What's wrong?"

A long uncomfortable silence reigned, in which O'Neill's piercing gaze never left Cameron. When the general finally answered, his words held none of their usual humor, and were instead uttered with a quiet, icy, sharpness that not one of them had heard before, "What's wrong? Why don't you ask Mitchell that question, he's the one that was alone in the middle of the woods with a loaded handgun."

**TBC**

Thank you for reading! And as any fanfic writer knows, the more reviews you get the more excited you are to get the next chapter up faster. Please let me know what you thought of this one.

And thank you to everyone who has reviewed so far. I don't think I got a reply sent to everyone who did, but I thank you immensely for your kind words!

Out of curiosity, has anyone else seen that new Stargate Blog by ShadowRhymer,** SG-B Review? **I like it, it kind of got me back in gear on this story. ( www(dot)sgbreview(dot)wordpress(dot)com )


End file.
